I figure today warrants it's own blog post.
Daughter's Day.
I bet it feels like Mother's Day to a woman who is unable to bear children and laments over it, or a mother who has lost a child. Maybe not that bad. Most likely not that bad.
It's easy to fall into self pity.
But I am a mother. To 4 healthy and most beautiful boys to ever grace this world.
I am a daughter. I hope I am the kind of daughter that helps my mother missing her own mother. The kind of relationship that is the foundation for both of us to draw our inner strength from.
I will always feel as if I am or will be the mother to a daughter. Maybe I will be, or will be the best MIL ever. Being a mother to sons, it's its own kind of special, and maybe not that different mothering a daughter as well, maybe I'm the only one who makes that distinction in my mind.
I have been struggling recently with the notion of no more babies added to our family. I feel I'm at my limit of physical and emotional capabilities in balancing the 4 boys, yet feel as if one more has to be. I'm also left wondering if a fifth is a boy, if I'll still always feel as if one more needs to be. So this is where I'm at. At the verge of moving on, yet don't feel ready to. Stagnant, and if I have time to dwell on it, it can consume me yet again.
So I take this day, not to lament, but to rejoice in the female relationships I am blessed with in my life.
My mother, the glue that holds me together.
My SILs I've been blessed with.
One who I call on practically a daily basis now that I have the free time to do so, who gets where I'm at because we're both in the same stage.
One who has been there for us in some of our most urgently needed times. Both were in our wedding, both are godmothers to at least one of the boys.
My MIL who is about the best MIL anyone could ask for, regardless of her overly invasive cleaning tendencies, I'm even at the point of asking for 'Mom' when my FIL answers their phone, not that I can directly call it to her face, but she's as close as.
My BFF since high school. I can shoot her a message any time of day and she is one of the most caring people I've known. Regardless of the situation or emotions, she's been the wind beneath my wings when I'm falling at times. Also one of the boys' godmother.
It's these woman in my life who make me realize I'm not alone and never will be regardless of how many boys enter my life, they are there to balance it out, and today I celebrate them.
Friday, September 25, 2015
Friday, September 11, 2015
We Survived
Little lump went to preschool today for the first time.
He had fully prepped me that he was going to cry and watch me leave him behind.
Which is what happened.
He surprised me, he ate his breakfast while telling me he didn't want to go, got dressed somewhat willingly while telling me he would miss me, got in the car saying he didn't want to go. He crossed the road with me and walked by himself carrying his show and tell choice - his treasure chest full of piratey things. He went down the steps and up the ramp to the front door. I had imagined this scenario differently, as in trying to drag AJ and EJP to the school, gladly this wasn't the case. He went right in.
He would not pick out his name key necklace or let the sweet old lady of a teacher put it on him, so I put it on him. He wouldn't pack away his bag in his cubby either, I had to. He did, however, run right off to play with the awesome toys, first to the wooden train set and whole bin of trains, to a barn, to mega blocks, foam blocks, found a huge plastic green tractor and wagon, back to the blocks. Then had to pee, so we went and found the bathroom yet he couldn't go.
Then it was about time for me to leave him behind. He teared up and was wiping his eyes, following me away. I played with the blocks with him for a second, but knew it best not to linger.
I pointed out the teacher to him and explained she would stay and take care of him. She saw my approach and left the group of parents she was talking to and came over to him. I told her I was just going to do it and I walked away. He started to follow crying and she led him away. I didn't look back.
Suckiest thing ever to do as a parent thus far. It goes against the parenting instinct to fix your child when they are upset.
I went home feeling like a jerk and imagined him crying and beside himself the whole time.
I get back there early and wait at the top of the stairs listening through the closed door. They are all a-chatter but I know not one of those is mine. I think I hear crying. Awful suspense waiting outside that door, I want him to see my face immediately to have the relief that I'm there.
So out they came in a line, and I see him, he sees me, comes up the stairs and waits with the group, but telling me he didn't know I was there that he didn't hear me come. He looks fine. Blends right in with the rest. Not crying. Relief!
Then the teacher tells me - after the kids are gone, I need a word with you, it was a long day...
Oh gawd, what. I figured...
She just informs me that he and another boy cried the most, but not too much. That he didn't want to pick up when free play was over so he got put in the time out chair, but that he was happy in the time out chair to watch everyone and get a feel for his surroundings away from it all. She kept asking him if he was ready to come out of time out and he kept saying no. But did fine the rest of the day, apart from the fact that he did not want to share his item during show and tell, which doesn't surprise me at all. He was attentive, listened, and wasn't disruptive at all. She says, 'he'll get it'
Now that is a relief. That is nothing compared to how I imagined it would go. And it is definite reinforcement to me that this is the school and program he was meant to attend. That the teacher singled me out to let me know how he did that specifically about his day and that he did that well on day 1, this is the right path.
Whew!!! WHEW!
We made it, we survived.
Day 1!
I asked if he liked it, he said 'yes!' I asked, not thinking, if he wants to go again - 'No'
:P
He gave me a nice tight squeeze and told me he missed me. Gosh I'm so happy for my little lump. He did it!
He had fully prepped me that he was going to cry and watch me leave him behind.
Which is what happened.
He surprised me, he ate his breakfast while telling me he didn't want to go, got dressed somewhat willingly while telling me he would miss me, got in the car saying he didn't want to go. He crossed the road with me and walked by himself carrying his show and tell choice - his treasure chest full of piratey things. He went down the steps and up the ramp to the front door. I had imagined this scenario differently, as in trying to drag AJ and EJP to the school, gladly this wasn't the case. He went right in.
He would not pick out his name key necklace or let the sweet old lady of a teacher put it on him, so I put it on him. He wouldn't pack away his bag in his cubby either, I had to. He did, however, run right off to play with the awesome toys, first to the wooden train set and whole bin of trains, to a barn, to mega blocks, foam blocks, found a huge plastic green tractor and wagon, back to the blocks. Then had to pee, so we went and found the bathroom yet he couldn't go.
Then it was about time for me to leave him behind. He teared up and was wiping his eyes, following me away. I played with the blocks with him for a second, but knew it best not to linger.
I pointed out the teacher to him and explained she would stay and take care of him. She saw my approach and left the group of parents she was talking to and came over to him. I told her I was just going to do it and I walked away. He started to follow crying and she led him away. I didn't look back.
Suckiest thing ever to do as a parent thus far. It goes against the parenting instinct to fix your child when they are upset.
I went home feeling like a jerk and imagined him crying and beside himself the whole time.
I get back there early and wait at the top of the stairs listening through the closed door. They are all a-chatter but I know not one of those is mine. I think I hear crying. Awful suspense waiting outside that door, I want him to see my face immediately to have the relief that I'm there.
So out they came in a line, and I see him, he sees me, comes up the stairs and waits with the group, but telling me he didn't know I was there that he didn't hear me come. He looks fine. Blends right in with the rest. Not crying. Relief!
Then the teacher tells me - after the kids are gone, I need a word with you, it was a long day...
Oh gawd, what. I figured...
She just informs me that he and another boy cried the most, but not too much. That he didn't want to pick up when free play was over so he got put in the time out chair, but that he was happy in the time out chair to watch everyone and get a feel for his surroundings away from it all. She kept asking him if he was ready to come out of time out and he kept saying no. But did fine the rest of the day, apart from the fact that he did not want to share his item during show and tell, which doesn't surprise me at all. He was attentive, listened, and wasn't disruptive at all. She says, 'he'll get it'
Now that is a relief. That is nothing compared to how I imagined it would go. And it is definite reinforcement to me that this is the school and program he was meant to attend. That the teacher singled me out to let me know how he did that specifically about his day and that he did that well on day 1, this is the right path.
Whew!!! WHEW!
We made it, we survived.
Day 1!
I asked if he liked it, he said 'yes!' I asked, not thinking, if he wants to go again - 'No'
:P
He gave me a nice tight squeeze and told me he missed me. Gosh I'm so happy for my little lump. He did it!
Tuesday, September 8, 2015
First Day Jitters
I'll just start this post by stating the obvious...ST is a worrier. In fact, we read the book 'Wemberly Worried' the night before the first day of school. It may as well be a book about him.
Worrying if he'll forget where his classroom is, mind you, we just visited to drop off supplies 4 days before the first day so he wouldn't worry.
Worried he'd be on a different bus.
Worried that he'd have gym the first day and they would do 'karaoke' that he couldn't keep up with.
Does JJ's sneakers need batteries?
Listing specifically what he wants for lunch.
Rehearsing the directions to his classroom.
Reminding JJ that he's in a different school.
Worried that I wouldn't remember to get them off the bus.
His stomach was in knots and he was doubled over as the bus appeared. He told JJ that he was lucky since he's just excited and not worried.
And JJ was. All smiles, first to get dressed, exclaiming "I'm going to make new friends!" Running to board the bus.
AJ who doesn't start preschool for a few days - which will warrant it's own post I bet - was busy chasing a chipmunk and flicking at his toy rubber bat he hung on the lamppost, which was good because it helped distract ST from worrying - brothers come in handy sometimes. And EJP just wanted to keep wandering toward the road.
When ST was worried I wouldn't remember to be out at the end of our driveway waiting for him upon returning home, I explained it to him like this...
each of the boys is a piece of my heart, so four pieces. So him and JJ are half of my heart, now how could I forget when I'm waiting for half of my heart to come back to me.
That he understood and told me that me and Daddy are his 2 halves of his heart.
I teared up watching the bus drive away, with half of my heart sitting inside.
Worrying if he'll forget where his classroom is, mind you, we just visited to drop off supplies 4 days before the first day so he wouldn't worry.
Worried he'd be on a different bus.
Worried that he'd have gym the first day and they would do 'karaoke' that he couldn't keep up with.
Does JJ's sneakers need batteries?
Listing specifically what he wants for lunch.
Rehearsing the directions to his classroom.
Reminding JJ that he's in a different school.
Worried that I wouldn't remember to get them off the bus.
His stomach was in knots and he was doubled over as the bus appeared. He told JJ that he was lucky since he's just excited and not worried.
And JJ was. All smiles, first to get dressed, exclaiming "I'm going to make new friends!" Running to board the bus.
AJ who doesn't start preschool for a few days - which will warrant it's own post I bet - was busy chasing a chipmunk and flicking at his toy rubber bat he hung on the lamppost, which was good because it helped distract ST from worrying - brothers come in handy sometimes. And EJP just wanted to keep wandering toward the road.
When ST was worried I wouldn't remember to be out at the end of our driveway waiting for him upon returning home, I explained it to him like this...
each of the boys is a piece of my heart, so four pieces. So him and JJ are half of my heart, now how could I forget when I'm waiting for half of my heart to come back to me.
That he understood and told me that me and Daddy are his 2 halves of his heart.
I teared up watching the bus drive away, with half of my heart sitting inside.
Tuesday, August 4, 2015
Wind Beneath My Wings
Let me just start by saying how very much I love and truly enjoy each of my boys. Each of them are so different and special and it is a true gift watching them unfold as they grow.
As a parent, each day is filled with tedious chores and pretty much endless serving of others. You almost get lost in it really. But there are those days, those moments, when the kids take your breath away and you feel like you are seeing God through them.
I just had one of those days. The ones I live for. The day I feel the full rewards of having all of my boys.
We took them to the county fair two days ago.
First off, let me remind you, that when JJ was a toddler/preschooler, he was at the point he'd look through everyone who wasn't me, was nonverbal, and only I could console/communicate with him pretty much. It was hard, but now, I barely can recall just what everyday life was like back then.
But when the carny asked him to put out his arm to get a wristband onto him, and he takes a seat beside the person, all of us had a good chuckle at how cute and genuine his heart is.
So each kid has their preferred fair rides. ST would go down the super slide a dozen times if we allowed him and definitely the Eurobungy $7 a pop trampoline jump thing. AJ prefers trains and any ride that just goes around in a non jostling type circle. JJ however, apparently has no fear. He'll do any ride his brothers want, plus wants to hit up the ferris wheel and swings.
Heights I have a problem with, so does hubby. So when JJ asked to go on the ferris wheel, hubby was the first to back out. I thought, 'oh crap' the ferris wheel and I don't have a great history, but I would do about anything for my kids, so I repeatedly asked JJ if he was sure he wanted to ride it. Of course he was sure.
So my stomach is in knots but we board the ride anyway. As we go up, I feel the anxiety building, but I lock on to his face. He is glowing in amazement. Looking out at the world. With joy. And love. So I shut off my fears and sit there feeling the joy with him. Watching him just live. After a while, I start looking out at the world enjoying the best view ever.
This child is fearless. He just takes life as it comes and enjoys it. This child gives me wings to fly with him.
It was much more than a Ferris Wheel ride that day and I appreciate that moment, that gift from God.
After we were done with the rides, we took the boys to the cattle barn, thinking AJ would be in amazement at the cows, but it ended up being JJ again who fully enjoyed the experience. At one point, he sat on a bale of hay next to a calf and sat there caressing it's head, rubbing it's face, playing with it's ears. In that moment, the world stopped. It was just JJ and that calf, and his heart was shining out as bright as the sun, I stood there in awe, filled with love and soaking in the beauty that is JJ's soul.
As a parent, each day is filled with tedious chores and pretty much endless serving of others. You almost get lost in it really. But there are those days, those moments, when the kids take your breath away and you feel like you are seeing God through them.
I just had one of those days. The ones I live for. The day I feel the full rewards of having all of my boys.
We took them to the county fair two days ago.
First off, let me remind you, that when JJ was a toddler/preschooler, he was at the point he'd look through everyone who wasn't me, was nonverbal, and only I could console/communicate with him pretty much. It was hard, but now, I barely can recall just what everyday life was like back then.
But when the carny asked him to put out his arm to get a wristband onto him, and he takes a seat beside the person, all of us had a good chuckle at how cute and genuine his heart is.
So each kid has their preferred fair rides. ST would go down the super slide a dozen times if we allowed him and definitely the Eurobungy $7 a pop trampoline jump thing. AJ prefers trains and any ride that just goes around in a non jostling type circle. JJ however, apparently has no fear. He'll do any ride his brothers want, plus wants to hit up the ferris wheel and swings.
Heights I have a problem with, so does hubby. So when JJ asked to go on the ferris wheel, hubby was the first to back out. I thought, 'oh crap' the ferris wheel and I don't have a great history, but I would do about anything for my kids, so I repeatedly asked JJ if he was sure he wanted to ride it. Of course he was sure.
So my stomach is in knots but we board the ride anyway. As we go up, I feel the anxiety building, but I lock on to his face. He is glowing in amazement. Looking out at the world. With joy. And love. So I shut off my fears and sit there feeling the joy with him. Watching him just live. After a while, I start looking out at the world enjoying the best view ever.
This child is fearless. He just takes life as it comes and enjoys it. This child gives me wings to fly with him.
It was much more than a Ferris Wheel ride that day and I appreciate that moment, that gift from God.
After we were done with the rides, we took the boys to the cattle barn, thinking AJ would be in amazement at the cows, but it ended up being JJ again who fully enjoyed the experience. At one point, he sat on a bale of hay next to a calf and sat there caressing it's head, rubbing it's face, playing with it's ears. In that moment, the world stopped. It was just JJ and that calf, and his heart was shining out as bright as the sun, I stood there in awe, filled with love and soaking in the beauty that is JJ's soul.
Wednesday, July 8, 2015
oh my gawd that's a break!
The inevitable happened, with 4 boys, I guess it was just a matter of time...
JJ broke his arm.
I made the genius suggestion to get out the slip n slide. It was 90 degrees and I was trying to persuade ST to stop with the video games and get outside to enjoy the weather.
AJ was in the front yard in the kiddie pool playing with his boats. I set up the slide, got the water running and soaped up the surface, and they started hurling themselves down the track at a dead run as they always do. I let ST and JJ have at it and I went back around the house to keep an eye on AJ. EJP was napping.
Just a minute later, JJ comes yelling at the top of his lungs 'Ow ow ow!' Worst vision I've ever had in my life, him yelling, running along holding his arm and I could see it dangling and flopping as he ran toward me. I knew. Hubby who was right there working on our vehicle, came running at the same time yelling 'Call someone NOW."
I dropped the phone and sand bucket I had in my hand to go grab a towel to wrap it up, and when I came back out, I couldn't find where I had left the phone, I was swirling in circles, freaking out, hubby yelling at me, JJ crying. Found the phone, called 911.
Mommy mode took over. I held his arm and talked to him. Reassuring him, he cried a bit, but I let him know help was on the way and it was okay. That he was okay. I told him to listen for the ambulance sirens and he quieted down and never cried again. ST grabbed me supplies as I asked him to...socks, shoes & JJ's clothes, a drink. He was awesome.
The ambulance came quickly. Just by one look and splinting his arm, instead of going to the local hospital of our choice, the driver said we're going to the bigger hospital an hour and a half away. I kind of panicked. We had one vehicle apart, another I'm not sure would make it there and back and the fact that we didn't even know how to get there. I told hubby to call his sister, get a ride when he could, I was going with JJ. I told ST and AJ that I was going with JJ and wasn't sure how long we'd be gone, but that everything was okay.
Hubby had called our parents and they were there immediately to take care of the kids for us.
And away JJ and I went. I leaned forward and strained against my seatbelt for the majority of the ride so that I could stay as close to him and maintain eye contact and reassure him. I rubbed his little hand and caressed his forehead. I don't know how I felt about the whole thing as it happened, but I know he saw the rock in my eyes that he needed to see. The security that he was okay. He sucked in his lip and scowled and didn't answer questions or talk, but eventually fell asleep on our way.
We arrived and the paramedics carried him into a room to get a weight check as I was handling the insurance stuff. Got him set up in a room and a bunch of people were in and out doing the same stethoscope listening and taking a peek at his arm. He was calm and quiet.
I felt like an ass when they asked how he fell because I didn't see it and it was my idea. But ST had been right there and at first thought, said he thought he had just gotten stung by a bee or something.
In came a child life specialist who explained every single thing to him that was happening, she helped him through getting an IV which took 2 tries and he watched the whole process with minimal reaction just because he liked the vibrating bug toy that they put against his hand as they worked. They administered morphine and it was the first time I saw his personality normalize, he was smiling, be it goofy and awkward, but I was relieved he wasn't so distracted and blocked by the pain. They wheeled him into xray and I stood outside the door on pins and needles hoping he wasn't afraid without me there. When he came out of the room, he was more serious than before going in, but by then coming back to the ER room, we found Aunt W. and Daddy there and he put on his goofy drugged out grin and continued on watching Cars2.
Xrays came back, he fractured both forearm bones completely but he didn't need surgery. They administered Zofran to help with nausea and a dissociative drug Ketamine as they explained would be like 'lights are on but no one's home'. They explained side effects and complications which was super scary. We left the room so they could drug him up and reset the bones and cast him. It didn't take long and when we went back in, although I knew he'd be groggy, I found him completely sedated and on oxygen. He had wires on his finger, chest, a blood pressure cuff, and the nasal cannula. It would have been horrific but I knew he was okay.
He took a long long time coming out of the haze. His eyes would get huge and he would look at me but look like he didn't see me, his eyes were jumping back and forth very quickly, his body limp. Every now and then he'd shake his head yes to answer a question. His blood pressure was high and he just kept going back to sleep. They were trying to get him to eat a popsicle and asking him what color he wanted. Red? Purple? Blue?.....he paused a while then said slowly...."Broooown" I had to laugh. He wanted a chocolate one, he was in there and a little more together than I thought. I got him to sip water, but once they sat him up he looked like he would be sick. Back to bed a while. It was rough.
I think we sat longer in the waiting room afterward waiting for a cd of his xray images than we did the entire stay in the ER. The ride home was uneventful thanks very much to Aunt W. But upon getting him out of the car at around 12:45 am as he slept, he started sobbing. It broke my heart, I think by that point it was more a half awake, trauma, exhausted type of being upset. That was the low point.
ST had stayed up way past bedtime to see JJ come home and that he was okay. He went promptly to bed as did all of us. JJ settled down with some leg rubbing and stayed asleep all night. First thing AJ asked in the morning was, 'Where is JJ?"
They may fight like mortal enemies, but when something like this happens, you see the real bond of brothers. Instead of being outside playing, they are staying inside with JJ watching movies and playing games with him.
I had been having a rough time emotionally over things in life that I didn't have, but this is just another one of those wake up calls that remind me of what I do have.
JJ broke his arm.
I made the genius suggestion to get out the slip n slide. It was 90 degrees and I was trying to persuade ST to stop with the video games and get outside to enjoy the weather.
AJ was in the front yard in the kiddie pool playing with his boats. I set up the slide, got the water running and soaped up the surface, and they started hurling themselves down the track at a dead run as they always do. I let ST and JJ have at it and I went back around the house to keep an eye on AJ. EJP was napping.
Just a minute later, JJ comes yelling at the top of his lungs 'Ow ow ow!' Worst vision I've ever had in my life, him yelling, running along holding his arm and I could see it dangling and flopping as he ran toward me. I knew. Hubby who was right there working on our vehicle, came running at the same time yelling 'Call someone NOW."
I dropped the phone and sand bucket I had in my hand to go grab a towel to wrap it up, and when I came back out, I couldn't find where I had left the phone, I was swirling in circles, freaking out, hubby yelling at me, JJ crying. Found the phone, called 911.
Mommy mode took over. I held his arm and talked to him. Reassuring him, he cried a bit, but I let him know help was on the way and it was okay. That he was okay. I told him to listen for the ambulance sirens and he quieted down and never cried again. ST grabbed me supplies as I asked him to...socks, shoes & JJ's clothes, a drink. He was awesome.
The ambulance came quickly. Just by one look and splinting his arm, instead of going to the local hospital of our choice, the driver said we're going to the bigger hospital an hour and a half away. I kind of panicked. We had one vehicle apart, another I'm not sure would make it there and back and the fact that we didn't even know how to get there. I told hubby to call his sister, get a ride when he could, I was going with JJ. I told ST and AJ that I was going with JJ and wasn't sure how long we'd be gone, but that everything was okay.
Hubby had called our parents and they were there immediately to take care of the kids for us.
And away JJ and I went. I leaned forward and strained against my seatbelt for the majority of the ride so that I could stay as close to him and maintain eye contact and reassure him. I rubbed his little hand and caressed his forehead. I don't know how I felt about the whole thing as it happened, but I know he saw the rock in my eyes that he needed to see. The security that he was okay. He sucked in his lip and scowled and didn't answer questions or talk, but eventually fell asleep on our way.
We arrived and the paramedics carried him into a room to get a weight check as I was handling the insurance stuff. Got him set up in a room and a bunch of people were in and out doing the same stethoscope listening and taking a peek at his arm. He was calm and quiet.
I felt like an ass when they asked how he fell because I didn't see it and it was my idea. But ST had been right there and at first thought, said he thought he had just gotten stung by a bee or something.
In came a child life specialist who explained every single thing to him that was happening, she helped him through getting an IV which took 2 tries and he watched the whole process with minimal reaction just because he liked the vibrating bug toy that they put against his hand as they worked. They administered morphine and it was the first time I saw his personality normalize, he was smiling, be it goofy and awkward, but I was relieved he wasn't so distracted and blocked by the pain. They wheeled him into xray and I stood outside the door on pins and needles hoping he wasn't afraid without me there. When he came out of the room, he was more serious than before going in, but by then coming back to the ER room, we found Aunt W. and Daddy there and he put on his goofy drugged out grin and continued on watching Cars2.
Xrays came back, he fractured both forearm bones completely but he didn't need surgery. They administered Zofran to help with nausea and a dissociative drug Ketamine as they explained would be like 'lights are on but no one's home'. They explained side effects and complications which was super scary. We left the room so they could drug him up and reset the bones and cast him. It didn't take long and when we went back in, although I knew he'd be groggy, I found him completely sedated and on oxygen. He had wires on his finger, chest, a blood pressure cuff, and the nasal cannula. It would have been horrific but I knew he was okay.
He took a long long time coming out of the haze. His eyes would get huge and he would look at me but look like he didn't see me, his eyes were jumping back and forth very quickly, his body limp. Every now and then he'd shake his head yes to answer a question. His blood pressure was high and he just kept going back to sleep. They were trying to get him to eat a popsicle and asking him what color he wanted. Red? Purple? Blue?.....he paused a while then said slowly...."Broooown" I had to laugh. He wanted a chocolate one, he was in there and a little more together than I thought. I got him to sip water, but once they sat him up he looked like he would be sick. Back to bed a while. It was rough.
I think we sat longer in the waiting room afterward waiting for a cd of his xray images than we did the entire stay in the ER. The ride home was uneventful thanks very much to Aunt W. But upon getting him out of the car at around 12:45 am as he slept, he started sobbing. It broke my heart, I think by that point it was more a half awake, trauma, exhausted type of being upset. That was the low point.
ST had stayed up way past bedtime to see JJ come home and that he was okay. He went promptly to bed as did all of us. JJ settled down with some leg rubbing and stayed asleep all night. First thing AJ asked in the morning was, 'Where is JJ?"
They may fight like mortal enemies, but when something like this happens, you see the real bond of brothers. Instead of being outside playing, they are staying inside with JJ watching movies and playing games with him.
I had been having a rough time emotionally over things in life that I didn't have, but this is just another one of those wake up calls that remind me of what I do have.
Monday, June 15, 2015
A Funny Place
I'm at an odd place. Like one step between having babies and being done with babies. I just don't know what I want.
I think about it everyday. I could go either way. My heart wants another baby. I think my heart will always want another baby. To snuggle that baby, to have their heart beating against mine, to feel their warmth, smell their fuzzy head. Even now with EJP, I get that calm peace anytime I get to cuddle him close. There is nothing greater and I can't imagine not having that in my life. It's like a rock to me. When my mom was sick and we weren't sure she would survive, the only thing that kept me from having a full on panic attack, was the anchor that was EJP. Breastfeeding him, nuzzled into me, I could feel his weight, his warmth, against me, and it was all that kept me holding on. It was a scary feeling, but it was then that I knew in my heart how very much I needed him in that moment.
Then there's the practical part of my head. I was really thinking about what it was like being pregnant and giving birth and really reliving the experiences. Gosh no! The nausea, constant weight gain, utter exhaustion, pains, basically not being able to do anything by the end, feeling like a ton of bricks. And then the labor and deliveries. I've had my share of that. It really feels like a near death experience every time and I really wouldn't want to do that all again. I got the experience I had wanted, or a combination between all 4 times and 4 healthy babies. The more kids I have, the harder it is for my body to recover. I can't nap. I can't just sit still. At this point, I just want to live and enjoy my babies. My body has taken enough abuse over the last 8 years, it's just now getting back to a new normal.
I have come full circle. We had a pattern going - got pregnant the first time in Fall that led to my Summer baby...got pregnant the second time in Summer that led to a Spring baby...third time was pregnant in Spring that led to my Winter baby, then the fourth was pregnant in Winter to have my Fall baby!
We've got all 4 seasons, went around in a circle, back to where we began, which is how I felt the whole time pregnant and after I delivered EJP, that he rounded us out and completed me in a way I sorely needed.
But here I am, with this feeling, not hopeless, but more like hopeful, like we're leaving the ending hanging in a good book. That there is possibility still that we haven't written "THE END" yet.
Are we done growing our family...probably...especially if it was up to Daddy for sure, but still I'm left with this feeling that someone will join our family. The future isn't etched in stone though, so I don't know, it could go either way at this point, I just feel very excited about it.
I think about it everyday. I could go either way. My heart wants another baby. I think my heart will always want another baby. To snuggle that baby, to have their heart beating against mine, to feel their warmth, smell their fuzzy head. Even now with EJP, I get that calm peace anytime I get to cuddle him close. There is nothing greater and I can't imagine not having that in my life. It's like a rock to me. When my mom was sick and we weren't sure she would survive, the only thing that kept me from having a full on panic attack, was the anchor that was EJP. Breastfeeding him, nuzzled into me, I could feel his weight, his warmth, against me, and it was all that kept me holding on. It was a scary feeling, but it was then that I knew in my heart how very much I needed him in that moment.
Then there's the practical part of my head. I was really thinking about what it was like being pregnant and giving birth and really reliving the experiences. Gosh no! The nausea, constant weight gain, utter exhaustion, pains, basically not being able to do anything by the end, feeling like a ton of bricks. And then the labor and deliveries. I've had my share of that. It really feels like a near death experience every time and I really wouldn't want to do that all again. I got the experience I had wanted, or a combination between all 4 times and 4 healthy babies. The more kids I have, the harder it is for my body to recover. I can't nap. I can't just sit still. At this point, I just want to live and enjoy my babies. My body has taken enough abuse over the last 8 years, it's just now getting back to a new normal.
I have come full circle. We had a pattern going - got pregnant the first time in Fall that led to my Summer baby...got pregnant the second time in Summer that led to a Spring baby...third time was pregnant in Spring that led to my Winter baby, then the fourth was pregnant in Winter to have my Fall baby!
We've got all 4 seasons, went around in a circle, back to where we began, which is how I felt the whole time pregnant and after I delivered EJP, that he rounded us out and completed me in a way I sorely needed.
But here I am, with this feeling, not hopeless, but more like hopeful, like we're leaving the ending hanging in a good book. That there is possibility still that we haven't written "THE END" yet.
Are we done growing our family...probably...especially if it was up to Daddy for sure, but still I'm left with this feeling that someone will join our family. The future isn't etched in stone though, so I don't know, it could go either way at this point, I just feel very excited about it.
Friday, June 12, 2015
Fake Birthday
ST has a summer birthday, lucky dude! It was a horrible experience for me, being prego and huge in summer, so even if I ever have another baby, he will be the only summer baby of the bunch!
So today in his class, it's his designated fake birthday. Being that they are out of school on summer vacation, he gets the experience in his classroom. He requested cupcakes and goody bags. I obliged.
Talk about excited.
He was hoot 'n hollering all morning like the Tazmanian Devil. Literally yelling and running around the house. Crossing his eyes, touching his tongue to his chin. And talking, a lot. Mimicking how on The Regular Show some character talks all tight lipped about their band name (and I couldn't tell what he was saying) that sounded like - "Mustache Catstache." Just silly nonsense.
I decided since I had to take a trip to the school to drop off his cupcakes and goody bags, I might as well bring them to school instead of the long bus ride.
Oh boy. This got him even more excited. Something different and special. Watching out the window - "Hide guys! Here comes the bus!"
Needless to say, he didn't eat any breakfast at all and talked all the way to school.
"Mom I need to tell you something..."
and he went on about how Susan B. Anthony got women to vote. That she died before then. So women were voting and she wasn't alive. I told him that's what a legacy is, that someone does something great with their lives and people talk about them even after they die. That women couldn't talk in public, probably to their parents, but not in public. That men got married and ruled the house. That Susan B. Anthony did stuff to change that. That "It's We the People, not We the Men."
I told him he's teaching me. He says, it's probably because you never learned that. I may have learned that, but forgot it long ago.
Just one of those times, I'm excited for him and I just have to smile.
So today in his class, it's his designated fake birthday. Being that they are out of school on summer vacation, he gets the experience in his classroom. He requested cupcakes and goody bags. I obliged.
Talk about excited.
He was hoot 'n hollering all morning like the Tazmanian Devil. Literally yelling and running around the house. Crossing his eyes, touching his tongue to his chin. And talking, a lot. Mimicking how on The Regular Show some character talks all tight lipped about their band name (and I couldn't tell what he was saying) that sounded like - "Mustache Catstache." Just silly nonsense.
I decided since I had to take a trip to the school to drop off his cupcakes and goody bags, I might as well bring them to school instead of the long bus ride.
Oh boy. This got him even more excited. Something different and special. Watching out the window - "Hide guys! Here comes the bus!"
Needless to say, he didn't eat any breakfast at all and talked all the way to school.
"Mom I need to tell you something..."
and he went on about how Susan B. Anthony got women to vote. That she died before then. So women were voting and she wasn't alive. I told him that's what a legacy is, that someone does something great with their lives and people talk about them even after they die. That women couldn't talk in public, probably to their parents, but not in public. That men got married and ruled the house. That Susan B. Anthony did stuff to change that. That "It's We the People, not We the Men."
I told him he's teaching me. He says, it's probably because you never learned that. I may have learned that, but forgot it long ago.
Just one of those times, I'm excited for him and I just have to smile.
Saturday, May 30, 2015
location
My Dad, completely well meaning, had complimented my brother about how his house was 'a really nice place' when we were all visiting a couple weeks ago. It's all well and good and completely fine - apart from the fact that he's never once complimented my home, and we've been here nearly 10 years. I just let it roll off my shoulders. It pinched, but whatever.
ST complimented our home instead yesterday. Which matters more - since this will be his first home, his foundation, one that he'll return to with fond memories of growing up. It's my children's home and it will have a special place in his heart. I'm glad he approves.
It went something like this...
We were bouncing around on the trampoline and it's a little uneven so the ball pit balls roll to one side of it and as we bounce, he says "we have a lucky location." I thought he meant, he liked where we had the trampoline, but he states, no, he meant, the yard, the house, the whole thing. It's just great. Then JJ states in agreement, that he loves it all too.
It's a big deal. Bringing your baby home for the first time, well, it only happens once. It's a completely new life once a new person comes into our home and enters our family. One with promise and joy. Our home may be 120 years old and contained many different people and families, but in this lifetime, it is ours. Our babies all came through that door and will grow and thrive and bring our home alive with love. Each have their heights etched on a door frame so they can compare each other and how they measure up and grow so much with every passing year.
It's not just a house, it is our home and just as our marriage, it is part of the foundation to this family and it just so happens, that we have a lucky location.
ST complimented our home instead yesterday. Which matters more - since this will be his first home, his foundation, one that he'll return to with fond memories of growing up. It's my children's home and it will have a special place in his heart. I'm glad he approves.
It went something like this...
We were bouncing around on the trampoline and it's a little uneven so the ball pit balls roll to one side of it and as we bounce, he says "we have a lucky location." I thought he meant, he liked where we had the trampoline, but he states, no, he meant, the yard, the house, the whole thing. It's just great. Then JJ states in agreement, that he loves it all too.
It's a big deal. Bringing your baby home for the first time, well, it only happens once. It's a completely new life once a new person comes into our home and enters our family. One with promise and joy. Our home may be 120 years old and contained many different people and families, but in this lifetime, it is ours. Our babies all came through that door and will grow and thrive and bring our home alive with love. Each have their heights etched on a door frame so they can compare each other and how they measure up and grow so much with every passing year.
It's not just a house, it is our home and just as our marriage, it is part of the foundation to this family and it just so happens, that we have a lucky location.
Monday, May 18, 2015
BOOBOOBUTT
My oldest and I have a rough time of it. I can't say boo to him without eliciting some kind of ill response - except when it comes to bedtime, when he melts into the sweet boy he is. Smiling as we cuddle and read a book.
Last night JJ and I were laughing our heads off over the book "The book with no pictures". It is a book designed to say silly things to crack the reader up. It is right up JJ's alley, true to his sense of humor.
ST doesn't think that it's funny. He tends to think it's kind of phoney, but he requested to read the same book just b/c JJ and I were having such fun with it. In fact, the book tends to have the opposite bedtime effect on JJ, it stimulates him giddy.
But I know why ST wanted that book. He becomes almost euphoric at the point in the book that makes the reader feel loved and smart, when it talks about how the kid who chose this book is the smartest/best kid ever in the whole world.
He may not take delight in me saying "BOOBOOBUTT" or singing "glug, glug, glug, my face is a bug. I eat ants for breakfast right of the ruuuuuuuug" the way JJ just dies over it, but he gets an entirely different message and one that his heart desires most.
To feel smart and loved and the best kid ever in the entire world. In his world, there are 3 brothers to compete for Mommy's attention, but in that moment, at the end of the day, as we cuddle close and talk, he is #1.
That is a Mom win right there and I feel #1.
Last night JJ and I were laughing our heads off over the book "The book with no pictures". It is a book designed to say silly things to crack the reader up. It is right up JJ's alley, true to his sense of humor.
ST doesn't think that it's funny. He tends to think it's kind of phoney, but he requested to read the same book just b/c JJ and I were having such fun with it. In fact, the book tends to have the opposite bedtime effect on JJ, it stimulates him giddy.
But I know why ST wanted that book. He becomes almost euphoric at the point in the book that makes the reader feel loved and smart, when it talks about how the kid who chose this book is the smartest/best kid ever in the whole world.
He may not take delight in me saying "BOOBOOBUTT" or singing "glug, glug, glug, my face is a bug. I eat ants for breakfast right of the ruuuuuuuug" the way JJ just dies over it, but he gets an entirely different message and one that his heart desires most.
To feel smart and loved and the best kid ever in the entire world. In his world, there are 3 brothers to compete for Mommy's attention, but in that moment, at the end of the day, as we cuddle close and talk, he is #1.
That is a Mom win right there and I feel #1.
Friday, May 15, 2015
Just Sit Down
It sounds simple enough. Sit down. But around the time the two big kids get off the bus at night, unpack their bags, start cooking dinner, it gets so busy, just sitting, doesn't happen. At all. Until I'm sleeping.
I'm okay with it. Shit needs getting done and I'm the one to keep the ball rolling. It's the busiest time of day, but at the end, and all 4 are sweetly asleep, I get the feeling of accomplishment, I did my job.
However, last night, I did decide to just sit. AJ wanted to cuddle - which usually entails just sitting next to him. But this time, he climbed on my lap with his blanky, we got our snuggly blanket over the both of us, and just sat there watching Cars. Giggling, cuddling, and getting all warm and cozy sitting there. I fell asleep, sitting up - at like 7pm. It was wonderful. Daddy was jealous of that cuddle session. He should be. It was awesome. And unusual. And awesome.
I decided to take him up at a decent time around 8pm just because the in and out of slumber I was experiencing was making me even more tired and I wanted to get the bedtime ball rolling. I decided to not read to him as I always do, didn't think my eyes would stay open long enough, but that was okay. He was chatty. Two of his cousins are coming over today and he was so excited. Sitting right up telling me how they were going to play with everything and listing all of his things they would play with. And sit in a chair. And go in the cubby. Jump on the trampoline. Play in my playhouse. He was very serious about it all. And then he tells me he's the daddy and I'm the mommy, since I told him we were going to take care of them, he took his role very seriously.
Cutest thing ever.
Then another unusual thing. The cat, who usually scratches all of the kids if they come within a foot of her, climbed up and let Adam pet her. She was purring and rubbing all over his hands and even put her nose up against his nose. He loves animals, and usually pets her if I'm petting her so that she doesn't notice it's him, but this time it was all him. I was happy for him.
I love this age. He'll wave goodbye to the big boys' bus driver, be helpful unloading the shopping cart, be curious and imaginative. It's the best.
I'm okay with it. Shit needs getting done and I'm the one to keep the ball rolling. It's the busiest time of day, but at the end, and all 4 are sweetly asleep, I get the feeling of accomplishment, I did my job.
However, last night, I did decide to just sit. AJ wanted to cuddle - which usually entails just sitting next to him. But this time, he climbed on my lap with his blanky, we got our snuggly blanket over the both of us, and just sat there watching Cars. Giggling, cuddling, and getting all warm and cozy sitting there. I fell asleep, sitting up - at like 7pm. It was wonderful. Daddy was jealous of that cuddle session. He should be. It was awesome. And unusual. And awesome.
I decided to take him up at a decent time around 8pm just because the in and out of slumber I was experiencing was making me even more tired and I wanted to get the bedtime ball rolling. I decided to not read to him as I always do, didn't think my eyes would stay open long enough, but that was okay. He was chatty. Two of his cousins are coming over today and he was so excited. Sitting right up telling me how they were going to play with everything and listing all of his things they would play with. And sit in a chair. And go in the cubby. Jump on the trampoline. Play in my playhouse. He was very serious about it all. And then he tells me he's the daddy and I'm the mommy, since I told him we were going to take care of them, he took his role very seriously.
Cutest thing ever.
Then another unusual thing. The cat, who usually scratches all of the kids if they come within a foot of her, climbed up and let Adam pet her. She was purring and rubbing all over his hands and even put her nose up against his nose. He loves animals, and usually pets her if I'm petting her so that she doesn't notice it's him, but this time it was all him. I was happy for him.
I love this age. He'll wave goodbye to the big boys' bus driver, be helpful unloading the shopping cart, be curious and imaginative. It's the best.
Wednesday, May 6, 2015
Boy Mom
Reflecting while following the 2 youngest boys around the yard this spring morning...
Things a new boy mom might want to know:
#1 Prepare to be outside - a lot!
From the time they are about 18 months to the time they are 5, they need to be outside. If indoors, they will get bored, cause havoc and destruction basically. Trust me, it's easier to succumb to it and go play in the sand box or snow banks!
#2 Boys fight
Maybe not physical fighting, but they will argue, whine, and hate each other every day over something simple. And it will alternate who is fighting, the more boys you have. It usually is #1 and #2, they are constantly fighting, who causes it changes from fight to fight. Or it can be #3 bullying the baby #4. Or it can be the baby #4, wrestling and dominating #2! That is more of a playful fight tho and one I can stand.
#3 They will become interested in their privates. It's only a matter of time. It seems that 3 of mine have become interested at the same time. Either sticking out their butts, shoving blankets into their underwear, and I can't tell you how many times in a day I hear the word 'penis'.
#4 They are different.
I hate when people always say that boys are easier than girls or that girls are more drama. Having 4 boys, I see just how different they are, they may be the same gender, but they are not the same person. #1 is the pleaser and sensitive, yet does not like to be bothered by anyone. #2 is very friendly, but tends to instigate trouble with #1. #3 whines constantly but is the cutest curious spirit. #4 is a baby still but at the stage he's becoming independent and stubborn yet pretty dependent still.
#5 They love Mommy.
They will not ask anything of Daddy even if he's sitting right next to them.
#6 Mostly no one likes clothes.
My oldest still strips to his undies the minute he gets home from school. Except one of them, who prefers fleece pjs all day (we are just coming out of winter and I think he's used to layers), but the rest prefer undies/diaper only at bedtime as well.
#7 They all have a favorite blanky.
It will slowly become rank, dingy, shredded, yet remains the dearest to their hearts. Every one of my boys has at least 1 blanket by their side, they rub their noses on, caress with their fingers, or wrangle it into a tight ball to pat with their hand.
#8 They like to collect things...
Rocks, sticks, seashells, cars, pokemon cards...very boyish things.
#9 They all like toys with wheels.
It starts out as toy cars, trains, planes, tractors, and changes to power wheels and bikes. They like things that go. Snowmobiling, 4 wheeling, boating.
#10 They are interested in practical things. It makes car rides fun!
Pointing out tractors in a farm field, geese, horses, cows, planes, the moon - I think I get just as excited.
#11 You will be surprised - many times and in many ways!
- finding worms on your living room carpet
- almost lighting the house on fire
- starting grandpa's lawn mower
- when they sneak out the front door and you can't find them
- when they climb a 6 ft rock wall at 2-3 years old
All the dreaded sounding boy things you hear of!
However, there are other ways of being surprised...
If you find yourself feeling a bit too masculine or lacking femininity because you have all boys, that you are less of a woman or a mother, you can find yourself and be yourself with your boys. I bake and one will mix, taste, and break the eggs with me. I like crafts - I make elaborate birthday cakes that all of my boys love and get excited about, all boys themes, the latest was a Lightning McQueen car cake. It was a hit. I was happy. I loved it too. You can shine as a woman in a group of wonderful little men - the queen of the castle.
#12 You will love being a boy mom, even if you think it's out of your realm.
You may have pictured life differently, but they teach you how to love them and more importantly, how to love yourself. Completely. Each time I've added to my family, trying to get the girl, it was more about finding happiness, and finding the person I was supposed to become. I didn't get the girl, but I did get that.
It does still leave me aching with the unknown of experiencing pink and frills, the friendship of a mother-daughter, or having the experience of my daughter becoming a mother. All of these things tear me apart, if I let it. Instead, I'm basking in the beauty of the treasures I have been given.
Things a new boy mom might want to know:
#1 Prepare to be outside - a lot!
From the time they are about 18 months to the time they are 5, they need to be outside. If indoors, they will get bored, cause havoc and destruction basically. Trust me, it's easier to succumb to it and go play in the sand box or snow banks!
#2 Boys fight
Maybe not physical fighting, but they will argue, whine, and hate each other every day over something simple. And it will alternate who is fighting, the more boys you have. It usually is #1 and #2, they are constantly fighting, who causes it changes from fight to fight. Or it can be #3 bullying the baby #4. Or it can be the baby #4, wrestling and dominating #2! That is more of a playful fight tho and one I can stand.
#3 They will become interested in their privates. It's only a matter of time. It seems that 3 of mine have become interested at the same time. Either sticking out their butts, shoving blankets into their underwear, and I can't tell you how many times in a day I hear the word 'penis'.
#4 They are different.
I hate when people always say that boys are easier than girls or that girls are more drama. Having 4 boys, I see just how different they are, they may be the same gender, but they are not the same person. #1 is the pleaser and sensitive, yet does not like to be bothered by anyone. #2 is very friendly, but tends to instigate trouble with #1. #3 whines constantly but is the cutest curious spirit. #4 is a baby still but at the stage he's becoming independent and stubborn yet pretty dependent still.
#5 They love Mommy.
They will not ask anything of Daddy even if he's sitting right next to them.
#6 Mostly no one likes clothes.
My oldest still strips to his undies the minute he gets home from school. Except one of them, who prefers fleece pjs all day (we are just coming out of winter and I think he's used to layers), but the rest prefer undies/diaper only at bedtime as well.
#7 They all have a favorite blanky.
It will slowly become rank, dingy, shredded, yet remains the dearest to their hearts. Every one of my boys has at least 1 blanket by their side, they rub their noses on, caress with their fingers, or wrangle it into a tight ball to pat with their hand.
#8 They like to collect things...
Rocks, sticks, seashells, cars, pokemon cards...very boyish things.
#9 They all like toys with wheels.
It starts out as toy cars, trains, planes, tractors, and changes to power wheels and bikes. They like things that go. Snowmobiling, 4 wheeling, boating.
#10 They are interested in practical things. It makes car rides fun!
Pointing out tractors in a farm field, geese, horses, cows, planes, the moon - I think I get just as excited.
#11 You will be surprised - many times and in many ways!
- finding worms on your living room carpet
- almost lighting the house on fire
- starting grandpa's lawn mower
- when they sneak out the front door and you can't find them
- when they climb a 6 ft rock wall at 2-3 years old
All the dreaded sounding boy things you hear of!
However, there are other ways of being surprised...
If you find yourself feeling a bit too masculine or lacking femininity because you have all boys, that you are less of a woman or a mother, you can find yourself and be yourself with your boys. I bake and one will mix, taste, and break the eggs with me. I like crafts - I make elaborate birthday cakes that all of my boys love and get excited about, all boys themes, the latest was a Lightning McQueen car cake. It was a hit. I was happy. I loved it too. You can shine as a woman in a group of wonderful little men - the queen of the castle.
#12 You will love being a boy mom, even if you think it's out of your realm.
You may have pictured life differently, but they teach you how to love them and more importantly, how to love yourself. Completely. Each time I've added to my family, trying to get the girl, it was more about finding happiness, and finding the person I was supposed to become. I didn't get the girl, but I did get that.
It does still leave me aching with the unknown of experiencing pink and frills, the friendship of a mother-daughter, or having the experience of my daughter becoming a mother. All of these things tear me apart, if I let it. Instead, I'm basking in the beauty of the treasures I have been given.
Tuesday, May 5, 2015
Dandelions
It's finally getting warm outside. The kids are now in shorts, the bedding at night is becoming lighter and lighter. Doors are being left open to let the fresh air in. Days are spent outside. Lots of sunshine.
Outside this morning, somewhat of a rarity happens - Adam wants Ethan in his wagon to tow him behind with his tractor power wheels. I set Ethan in and walk alongside them.
Adam stops near the back of the house when he spots a dandelion. He runs over and picks it. Smells it. Runs back and picks another and gives in to Ethan who is still waiting to ride in the wagon.
Ethan drops the oreo he has been holding to take the dandelion. Adam smiles at me and gets back on the tractor. He knew he did something nice and he knew I was pleased.
The both have their dandelions pressed against their noses and away they go again.
Ethan looks back up at me and grins with that one dimple in his cheek and says a sound that I think is 'Yay!'
<3
A little while later as we're all lounging around the yard, Adam grins at me again and says, "I'm being nice. You are happy with me!"
Yes I am!
Outside this morning, somewhat of a rarity happens - Adam wants Ethan in his wagon to tow him behind with his tractor power wheels. I set Ethan in and walk alongside them.
Adam stops near the back of the house when he spots a dandelion. He runs over and picks it. Smells it. Runs back and picks another and gives in to Ethan who is still waiting to ride in the wagon.
Ethan drops the oreo he has been holding to take the dandelion. Adam smiles at me and gets back on the tractor. He knew he did something nice and he knew I was pleased.
The both have their dandelions pressed against their noses and away they go again.
Ethan looks back up at me and grins with that one dimple in his cheek and says a sound that I think is 'Yay!'
<3
A little while later as we're all lounging around the yard, Adam grins at me again and says, "I'm being nice. You are happy with me!"
Yes I am!
Conferences
So yesterday was the 2 oldest boys' parent teacher conferences. I expected them to go fairly well. Both are smart and well behaved but it's still nice to hear from their teachers.
First up was ST's 2nd grade teacher. All good things. ST works very well, had excelled in math so much so that he doesn't need the extra help he was getting with it. He's only about one step under the average reading scores and the teacher expects he'll go pretty smoothly into 3rd grade and continue with some extra reading help. He does his best all the time and since the beginning of the year, has scored higher and higher exponentially. Perfect.
Onto JJ's Kindergarten teacher. She starts by going into some detail about his presentation a couple of weeks ago. (They had to do a 5-7 minute presentation teaching the class to do something. We were super worried that he not only wouldn't be able to do the task, but that he may shut down and not be able to even function if he didn't understand what to do. We practiced and practiced with him all week making paper airplanes and made a simple chart to keep him on track. Bottom line: he nailed it. Was able to make it through the whole presentation and said each child's name as he passed out paper to build the airplanes. He knew what he was doing and did it.) She told me that she was having each presenter ask the class if they had any questions or comments, so he did. Then I guess one child asked something and he points and says 'That's a question." called on the next child and then says, "That's a comment." The teacher helped him answer the question, but was blown away he knew what questions and comments were.
He excels in academics. She told me walking down the hall with him, he was reading words on the wall that were first and second grade levels. Then she gave my heart a bombshell...
'The kids love him'
.....gah
Squeeze my heart. One of my biggest fears with JJ being different is that no one would see how much of a shining personality he has. But they do and they LIKE him. And not only that, but his teacher LOVES him. She says he makes her laugh every single day. That he has such a shining personality. That he's taught her so much - that she wasn't sure how to go about him, knowing he was different, but getting to know him and figuring out what best suits him. She sees him for him. I love it. She also says that she hopes to place him next year with the teacher she thinks will best appreciate his wonderful personality. She's loved having him in her class. We were both practically in tears. Happy tears.
Cannot get better than that.
It was my fault ST started Kindergarten at a disadvantage, knowing barely his name and X and O as far as the alphabet goes. He was my first baby and I was a SAHM, I wanted to keep him with me for as long as possible. But being as smart as he is, and as hard working, he's pretty much caught up academically. I couldn't be more proud of him. He does what needs doing, and always tries his best.
And JJ, with all of the struggles and delay he faced early on, those 2 years of special preschool (and the EI services at home before that) were a Godsend! Year one basically got him to communicate and potty train and year 2 taught him the entire alphabet and gave him a strong base of learning to start with. It has helped him just thrive and I couldn't be more thankful. The future is a lot less scary knowing he's overcoming things we weren't sure he would.
I totally took all of the boys shopping afterward for presents for working so hard all year and being so good.
Now I remember why I never just go and buy things for them...it's expensive! But on the way home ST says something to the effect - 'This day is awesome'....
Worth It!
First up was ST's 2nd grade teacher. All good things. ST works very well, had excelled in math so much so that he doesn't need the extra help he was getting with it. He's only about one step under the average reading scores and the teacher expects he'll go pretty smoothly into 3rd grade and continue with some extra reading help. He does his best all the time and since the beginning of the year, has scored higher and higher exponentially. Perfect.
Onto JJ's Kindergarten teacher. She starts by going into some detail about his presentation a couple of weeks ago. (They had to do a 5-7 minute presentation teaching the class to do something. We were super worried that he not only wouldn't be able to do the task, but that he may shut down and not be able to even function if he didn't understand what to do. We practiced and practiced with him all week making paper airplanes and made a simple chart to keep him on track. Bottom line: he nailed it. Was able to make it through the whole presentation and said each child's name as he passed out paper to build the airplanes. He knew what he was doing and did it.) She told me that she was having each presenter ask the class if they had any questions or comments, so he did. Then I guess one child asked something and he points and says 'That's a question." called on the next child and then says, "That's a comment." The teacher helped him answer the question, but was blown away he knew what questions and comments were.
He excels in academics. She told me walking down the hall with him, he was reading words on the wall that were first and second grade levels. Then she gave my heart a bombshell...
'The kids love him'
.....gah
Squeeze my heart. One of my biggest fears with JJ being different is that no one would see how much of a shining personality he has. But they do and they LIKE him. And not only that, but his teacher LOVES him. She says he makes her laugh every single day. That he has such a shining personality. That he's taught her so much - that she wasn't sure how to go about him, knowing he was different, but getting to know him and figuring out what best suits him. She sees him for him. I love it. She also says that she hopes to place him next year with the teacher she thinks will best appreciate his wonderful personality. She's loved having him in her class. We were both practically in tears. Happy tears.
Cannot get better than that.
It was my fault ST started Kindergarten at a disadvantage, knowing barely his name and X and O as far as the alphabet goes. He was my first baby and I was a SAHM, I wanted to keep him with me for as long as possible. But being as smart as he is, and as hard working, he's pretty much caught up academically. I couldn't be more proud of him. He does what needs doing, and always tries his best.
And JJ, with all of the struggles and delay he faced early on, those 2 years of special preschool (and the EI services at home before that) were a Godsend! Year one basically got him to communicate and potty train and year 2 taught him the entire alphabet and gave him a strong base of learning to start with. It has helped him just thrive and I couldn't be more thankful. The future is a lot less scary knowing he's overcoming things we weren't sure he would.
I totally took all of the boys shopping afterward for presents for working so hard all year and being so good.
Now I remember why I never just go and buy things for them...it's expensive! But on the way home ST says something to the effect - 'This day is awesome'....
Worth It!
Thursday, April 30, 2015
Quiet Moments
Lots of sweet moments today, but the last of the night...
getting all the boys in their beds tucked in tight, ST is the first to start drifting off and I scooch in for cuddles and he tells me he had library, (which was the other day) making me realize just how close to dreamland he is getting, he says 'I wasn't tired, but now I am' and he's rubbing his favorite blanket with his eyes shut, and I asked him, 'you had a good day huh?" and he shakes his head yes. Bliss. When he lets down the guard and miserable attitude exterior, I get to see that beautiful child inside shine out. It's like lassoing the moon! Now if I could find a way to keep that part of him very much dominant, I'd feel like I finally did my job right.
We had all rode 4 wheeler together instead of having a movie night, it was wonderful, we all enjoyed it very much. AJ cried when it was over, so he got one last ride around solo with Daddy.
AJ requested curious George to watch on TV and then stated that he was curious George, he's pretty much right, there are a lot of similarities.
I got one on one with AJ while EJP napped earlier, and we bounced on the trampoline, he just wanted to wrestle and cuddle and look at bugs. Using one of Shawn's words from his insect work book...I think AJ could end up being an 'Entomologist' - if that's the right word...
These boys light up if I take just a second of time with them. I left the baby inside playing with the radio on the PW tractor and went outside and bounced on the trampoline with the 3 big boys. They lit up. All just so happy and content and getting along.
EJP and AJ and JJ all got haircuts today, all looking super cute as they ever have been.
Gosh they are so beautiful.
What wasn't so beautiful was finding a worm on my living room carpet wriggling around, I did not handle it well, I reverted to a screaming girl.
also...EJP surprised me the other day, as the school bus was driving away I was telling AJ to wave, and instead, I caught him waving, this boy has skills I didn't know. He's getting bigger on me every day, he loves music and dancing and will turn on any radio he finds, points and jabbers, and loves to swing especially on my lap and will giggle and say 'weeeeee'.
getting all the boys in their beds tucked in tight, ST is the first to start drifting off and I scooch in for cuddles and he tells me he had library, (which was the other day) making me realize just how close to dreamland he is getting, he says 'I wasn't tired, but now I am' and he's rubbing his favorite blanket with his eyes shut, and I asked him, 'you had a good day huh?" and he shakes his head yes. Bliss. When he lets down the guard and miserable attitude exterior, I get to see that beautiful child inside shine out. It's like lassoing the moon! Now if I could find a way to keep that part of him very much dominant, I'd feel like I finally did my job right.
We had all rode 4 wheeler together instead of having a movie night, it was wonderful, we all enjoyed it very much. AJ cried when it was over, so he got one last ride around solo with Daddy.
AJ requested curious George to watch on TV and then stated that he was curious George, he's pretty much right, there are a lot of similarities.
I got one on one with AJ while EJP napped earlier, and we bounced on the trampoline, he just wanted to wrestle and cuddle and look at bugs. Using one of Shawn's words from his insect work book...I think AJ could end up being an 'Entomologist' - if that's the right word...
These boys light up if I take just a second of time with them. I left the baby inside playing with the radio on the PW tractor and went outside and bounced on the trampoline with the 3 big boys. They lit up. All just so happy and content and getting along.
EJP and AJ and JJ all got haircuts today, all looking super cute as they ever have been.
Gosh they are so beautiful.
What wasn't so beautiful was finding a worm on my living room carpet wriggling around, I did not handle it well, I reverted to a screaming girl.
also...EJP surprised me the other day, as the school bus was driving away I was telling AJ to wave, and instead, I caught him waving, this boy has skills I didn't know. He's getting bigger on me every day, he loves music and dancing and will turn on any radio he finds, points and jabbers, and loves to swing especially on my lap and will giggle and say 'weeeeee'.
Monday, April 27, 2015
UP
Last night was what I call the Sunday night hustle. Two packets of math homework, which can be extensive for the 2nd grader, baths/showers - for hopefully all 4 boys, and hopefully land a nice bedtime hour.
Nailed it. While I made dinner, hubby tackled the math. Dinner together at the table. Baths/showers - all done by around 6:30pm! Then we got a movie night, which no one ever agrees on the movie, so it was my choice. I picked UP, just seemed like the one to watch.
Well, lo and behold, one of the kids is like me...my mom told me I used to cry over Disney movies. AJ sat there saying he didn't want to watch the movie with his face all serious and mouth hanging open pretty much the whole time.
I mean, who would have thought. So I try to put myself in a little person's view...okay, there is a mean guy who is trying to hurt a child and an old man. Mean dogs are everywhere. The mean villain tries to burn a house down. They capture the bird and drag it away. Airplanes shoot at the child who is hanging out of a blimp barely hanging on. The group almost falls off a cliff.
So yeah, I guess it is kind of traumatic. I just wanted to see the balloons carry the house away and the dog talking...
But I did manage to get EJP in his crib asleep at 8pm! Which has never happened, so that at least was a mom win!
Nailed it. While I made dinner, hubby tackled the math. Dinner together at the table. Baths/showers - all done by around 6:30pm! Then we got a movie night, which no one ever agrees on the movie, so it was my choice. I picked UP, just seemed like the one to watch.
Well, lo and behold, one of the kids is like me...my mom told me I used to cry over Disney movies. AJ sat there saying he didn't want to watch the movie with his face all serious and mouth hanging open pretty much the whole time.
I mean, who would have thought. So I try to put myself in a little person's view...okay, there is a mean guy who is trying to hurt a child and an old man. Mean dogs are everywhere. The mean villain tries to burn a house down. They capture the bird and drag it away. Airplanes shoot at the child who is hanging out of a blimp barely hanging on. The group almost falls off a cliff.
So yeah, I guess it is kind of traumatic. I just wanted to see the balloons carry the house away and the dog talking...
But I did manage to get EJP in his crib asleep at 8pm! Which has never happened, so that at least was a mom win!
Friday, April 24, 2015
they're a hoot
So yesterday, I started the day absolutely miserable, not sure if it's hormones or what, but I felt like a cougar who could shred the walls down, so naturally, I took it out on the boy at home when we had to pack up and go to an appointment.
I'm raging and yelling for him to get his coat and shoes and he's crying and demanding different clothes and taking off the shoes I just put on.
I'm losing it. We get in the car, absolute silence, then I feel bad. To be honest, we've been running around all week and I just didn't want to go- at all- and it was snowing and cold. I wanted to hibernate until the negativity passed.
We get there and during it, both AJ and EJP were good as gold, reading books and just sitting on my lap. Just awesome. Then AJ sucking his fingers with his blanky rubbing on his nose as he does, insists that I give him Eskimo kisses, to rub my nose on his sweet little nose.....o m g, nothing sweeter, he wanted me to keep doing it. Ahh, that tickled my heart so much! Negativity GONE!
Later that night, we had movie night with Despicable Me. JJ dances to all of the music, then at the end there is this slow groovy instrumental and he's kind of doing like a slow motion robot dance move and he says ' I can't stop!' So funny I couldn't stop laughing while watching him dance all over the living room and EJP joined in. Ah, these kids are the cutest kids ever!
I can't get over it.
I'm raging and yelling for him to get his coat and shoes and he's crying and demanding different clothes and taking off the shoes I just put on.
I'm losing it. We get in the car, absolute silence, then I feel bad. To be honest, we've been running around all week and I just didn't want to go- at all- and it was snowing and cold. I wanted to hibernate until the negativity passed.
We get there and during it, both AJ and EJP were good as gold, reading books and just sitting on my lap. Just awesome. Then AJ sucking his fingers with his blanky rubbing on his nose as he does, insists that I give him Eskimo kisses, to rub my nose on his sweet little nose.....o m g, nothing sweeter, he wanted me to keep doing it. Ahh, that tickled my heart so much! Negativity GONE!
Later that night, we had movie night with Despicable Me. JJ dances to all of the music, then at the end there is this slow groovy instrumental and he's kind of doing like a slow motion robot dance move and he says ' I can't stop!' So funny I couldn't stop laughing while watching him dance all over the living room and EJP joined in. Ah, these kids are the cutest kids ever!
I can't get over it.
Monday, April 13, 2015
The Better Life
The other day I had been chasing the boys outside and they just live on it. I stopped, out of breath and energy. ST suggested we do hide and seek. I made the excuse, just where can I hide to not be found. He said something profound for a 7 year old. He said, "Mom, it's not about winning. It's about having fun together."
It must be sinking in. Every birthday and thing we do as a family, I try to reinforce that it's about enjoying the moments we have together. And in that moment, he got it.
I didn't know if I should write this in this blog or the gender disappointment blog, but I figured it didn't matter, I'm trying to cut that one loose because it seems to stem off the bad instead of the uplifting.
Each child has been their own unexpected gift to me - ST showed me what it was to love someone so much it made me cry, such a powerful thing, JJ gave me pure joy but also the struggles he faces has shown me to celebrate every little accomplishment and moment, to not take anything for granted, AJ has brought wonder and curiosity, fun, and EJP has given me completeness, I'm whole with him in my arms, in the way I had hoped to feel, assuming I needed a daughter to feel that way, not that I don't still long for a little girl of my own, but for now, what I have, is enough. Each have their own beautiful attributes mixed together to bring such beauty to this world.
This morning, I've also come to another realization. Imagining if I had gotten my daughter first, not only would I not have had all 4 of these beautiful boys in my life, but I think I wouldn't have been the person I am today. I would not have found such beauty in this life. As it is now, I'm searching for the positives and the beauty because I need that in my life. Finding the good and the reason for getting something other than what I had envisioned. If I would have had a daughter, I would've thought that it's just because I wanted one so badly and deserved her, but also taken that for granted. Taken everything for granted. I thought that I couldn't share myself with my sons, but I find myself getting every bit of that part of mothering as well, regardless of gender. For instance, we just had JJ's birthday pass. We had cardboard cars cut out and painted for his Cars theme, an awesome cake I make that looked just like Lightning McQueen so much, I didn't want to cut it. I get to be me, for them, and for me. I get it all. And I love it.
Over a month ago, we almost lost my mother. I don't think I will ever again take for granted how precious life is, ever. However, just the other night, I felt myself falling into the trap of longing for what I do not have in my life. But I went outside and followed my boys around the yard snapping pictures to my heart's content. I saw such beauty and felt such joy in doing that. I came back inside going through the pictures and realized, this world can drag me down and I could let myself get eaten up by wishing for something I didn't get, but instead, these boys have given me such joy, and they will be the ones to sustain me. Life is not as I had pictured it, but in this new life, this better life, I'm the person I would rather be. One that can fully appreciate excited words streaming out from the birthday boy the moment he awakes on his special day. One that gets giddy watching 4 boys chasing a remote control car knowing how precious that moment is. That we are all here, together, healthy, happy. There is no greater gift.
And I find myself surprised that this life is enough. Well, more than enough, and that I think I'd prefer this life over the one where I got everything I had hoped for so easily. There is such beauty here and I can see it with unclouded vision - maybe for the first time ever. Thank you God for placing me here where I am. Thank You for today.
It must be sinking in. Every birthday and thing we do as a family, I try to reinforce that it's about enjoying the moments we have together. And in that moment, he got it.
I didn't know if I should write this in this blog or the gender disappointment blog, but I figured it didn't matter, I'm trying to cut that one loose because it seems to stem off the bad instead of the uplifting.
Each child has been their own unexpected gift to me - ST showed me what it was to love someone so much it made me cry, such a powerful thing, JJ gave me pure joy but also the struggles he faces has shown me to celebrate every little accomplishment and moment, to not take anything for granted, AJ has brought wonder and curiosity, fun, and EJP has given me completeness, I'm whole with him in my arms, in the way I had hoped to feel, assuming I needed a daughter to feel that way, not that I don't still long for a little girl of my own, but for now, what I have, is enough. Each have their own beautiful attributes mixed together to bring such beauty to this world.
This morning, I've also come to another realization. Imagining if I had gotten my daughter first, not only would I not have had all 4 of these beautiful boys in my life, but I think I wouldn't have been the person I am today. I would not have found such beauty in this life. As it is now, I'm searching for the positives and the beauty because I need that in my life. Finding the good and the reason for getting something other than what I had envisioned. If I would have had a daughter, I would've thought that it's just because I wanted one so badly and deserved her, but also taken that for granted. Taken everything for granted. I thought that I couldn't share myself with my sons, but I find myself getting every bit of that part of mothering as well, regardless of gender. For instance, we just had JJ's birthday pass. We had cardboard cars cut out and painted for his Cars theme, an awesome cake I make that looked just like Lightning McQueen so much, I didn't want to cut it. I get to be me, for them, and for me. I get it all. And I love it.
Over a month ago, we almost lost my mother. I don't think I will ever again take for granted how precious life is, ever. However, just the other night, I felt myself falling into the trap of longing for what I do not have in my life. But I went outside and followed my boys around the yard snapping pictures to my heart's content. I saw such beauty and felt such joy in doing that. I came back inside going through the pictures and realized, this world can drag me down and I could let myself get eaten up by wishing for something I didn't get, but instead, these boys have given me such joy, and they will be the ones to sustain me. Life is not as I had pictured it, but in this new life, this better life, I'm the person I would rather be. One that can fully appreciate excited words streaming out from the birthday boy the moment he awakes on his special day. One that gets giddy watching 4 boys chasing a remote control car knowing how precious that moment is. That we are all here, together, healthy, happy. There is no greater gift.
And I find myself surprised that this life is enough. Well, more than enough, and that I think I'd prefer this life over the one where I got everything I had hoped for so easily. There is such beauty here and I can see it with unclouded vision - maybe for the first time ever. Thank you God for placing me here where I am. Thank You for today.
Wednesday, March 25, 2015
18 months
close enough, 8 days and EJP will be 18 months old...
18 months since I last felt baby kicks in my tummy and knew with certainty the purpose I had in life. Felt that calmness and excitement knowing that the immediate future held the greatest of all things for us.
I don't think I really believe that EJP will be my forever baby, I tell myself it, trying to convince myself, but I don't really believe it. But that doesn't stop me from cuddling him in my arms all night without complaint, or smelling his soft hair a dozen times a day, or feel my heart squeeze with happiness when he grins at me with a bunch of pure white teeth and that one dimple up on top of his right cheek.
Sigh. My baby. Growing all too fast but not fast enough. Toddling. Terrible trouble.
He's starting to babble quite seriously. He'll scowl and jabber and point like he knows what he says and he's saying it with purpose. Cutest thing ever. He'll talk to us all at the dinner table and point with his fork. Daddy and I look at each other and chuckle.
We get a kick out of him.
We know it doesn't last long. The wonder and sweetness. The simplicity and joy.
We know although he's into everything and that is our biggest challenge with him, we know that all too soon, the challenge will be any number of things that we deal with with the rest of them. From following schedule, homework, getting them to the dinner table, eating good food, mediating the fights, trying to stem the constant draw of video games. I realize these challenges will change as well by the time EJP gets to that point. They all will grow.
Right now I'm loving this.
His hair is growing thicker since it has been cut and definitely darkening. He has the darkest shade of hair at this age compared with the rest. It still will get frizzy baby fluff like in the back when he gets up in the morning.
He's pretty funny in the morning if he gets up before fully alert. He'll be all squinty eyed and stumbling like a little drunk old man.
He loves emptying the clean laundry bin or laundry baskets, will climb right into them. Or boxes, he has to fight over those with Adam. Stealing his brothers toothbrushes. Putting things in the toilet. Climbing on the dining table.
He's typically the first child at the dinner table. You know when he's done eating, because he starts tossing it all over and climbing on the table.
His fav movie is Frozen, he'll actually sit there and watch it for a half hour.
He dances. He cuddles stuffed animals.
He helps getting his winter coat on and LOVES mittens and gloves, in the house or outside - except when he's trying to pick up some snow or mud, then the mittens come off. But the minute daddy comes home and takes his gloves off, EJP is getting them.
He hates pants and socks. If we are home, the most he has on is a diaper and shirt, he sleeps like that as well.
His only real word is Mama and he says that multiple times a day, mostly whining for me. He says no too but it sounds like 'nah' and shake his head. At least he knows what he wants, or doesn't want.
He will sit on daddy's lap so long as mommy isn't around, but climbs off immediately if he sees me.
He loves hide and seek, but basically everyone else hides and he gives our position away, finding us and giggling and standing there as we hide.
Loves chasing around with his brother AJ - who typically just pushes him around and makes him cry.
Typically the last child asleep at night. Very light sleeper, you can't walk in and out of the room without him sitting right up and crying.
18 months since I last felt baby kicks in my tummy and knew with certainty the purpose I had in life. Felt that calmness and excitement knowing that the immediate future held the greatest of all things for us.
I don't think I really believe that EJP will be my forever baby, I tell myself it, trying to convince myself, but I don't really believe it. But that doesn't stop me from cuddling him in my arms all night without complaint, or smelling his soft hair a dozen times a day, or feel my heart squeeze with happiness when he grins at me with a bunch of pure white teeth and that one dimple up on top of his right cheek.
Sigh. My baby. Growing all too fast but not fast enough. Toddling. Terrible trouble.
He's starting to babble quite seriously. He'll scowl and jabber and point like he knows what he says and he's saying it with purpose. Cutest thing ever. He'll talk to us all at the dinner table and point with his fork. Daddy and I look at each other and chuckle.
We get a kick out of him.
We know it doesn't last long. The wonder and sweetness. The simplicity and joy.
We know although he's into everything and that is our biggest challenge with him, we know that all too soon, the challenge will be any number of things that we deal with with the rest of them. From following schedule, homework, getting them to the dinner table, eating good food, mediating the fights, trying to stem the constant draw of video games. I realize these challenges will change as well by the time EJP gets to that point. They all will grow.
Right now I'm loving this.
His hair is growing thicker since it has been cut and definitely darkening. He has the darkest shade of hair at this age compared with the rest. It still will get frizzy baby fluff like in the back when he gets up in the morning.
He's pretty funny in the morning if he gets up before fully alert. He'll be all squinty eyed and stumbling like a little drunk old man.
He loves emptying the clean laundry bin or laundry baskets, will climb right into them. Or boxes, he has to fight over those with Adam. Stealing his brothers toothbrushes. Putting things in the toilet. Climbing on the dining table.
He's typically the first child at the dinner table. You know when he's done eating, because he starts tossing it all over and climbing on the table.
His fav movie is Frozen, he'll actually sit there and watch it for a half hour.
He dances. He cuddles stuffed animals.
He helps getting his winter coat on and LOVES mittens and gloves, in the house or outside - except when he's trying to pick up some snow or mud, then the mittens come off. But the minute daddy comes home and takes his gloves off, EJP is getting them.
He hates pants and socks. If we are home, the most he has on is a diaper and shirt, he sleeps like that as well.
His only real word is Mama and he says that multiple times a day, mostly whining for me. He says no too but it sounds like 'nah' and shake his head. At least he knows what he wants, or doesn't want.
He will sit on daddy's lap so long as mommy isn't around, but climbs off immediately if he sees me.
He loves hide and seek, but basically everyone else hides and he gives our position away, finding us and giggling and standing there as we hide.
Loves chasing around with his brother AJ - who typically just pushes him around and makes him cry.
Typically the last child asleep at night. Very light sleeper, you can't walk in and out of the room without him sitting right up and crying.
slipping on ice
Daddy moved our little utility trailer, leaving a perfect 5' square of glare ice on our driveway. It was actually warm this morning waiting for the bus with three kiddos.
The ice was on a bit of a slant so the kids were all standing there in place and sliding down it. Many tumbles, giggles, and overall fun time this morning.
The kids were fast stepping happily crossing the road to board the bus this morning. In fact, I think I had a bit more spring in my step as well.
The ice was on a bit of a slant so the kids were all standing there in place and sliding down it. Many tumbles, giggles, and overall fun time this morning.
The kids were fast stepping happily crossing the road to board the bus this morning. In fact, I think I had a bit more spring in my step as well.
Sunday, March 22, 2015
Adorable Age
AJ is 4 and apart from when he's a whining mess or adamant about not changing his clothes for 3 days, he's becoming the cutest thing that ever existed in the entire world.
We've been in hibernation mode for months, but the thaw is starting so now we can almost see the driveway again. We pulled out AJ's battery powered tractor during EJP's nap and he rode around and around making a track. He was so happy he was giggling and kept looking back at me with a huge smile, the kind of pure joy that brightens my life, it's what I live for, tickles my heart.
Then last night we visited the grandparents. They were watching the little mermaid. I don't think I've ever seen AJ so entralled, he was talking to the tv as the boat was on fire and sinking. "Woah, look mom. Look at that. Woah. Oh the boat. The boat is on fire! The boat is sinking! Woah! Ohhh!"
I wasn't sure if he was going to cry or not. He had such a serious, jaw dropped expression. Cutest thing ever. It was a moment I wish I had recorded. So this is my way to try to retain the memory of that moment.
Sweet. Endearing. Caring. Expressive.
I love the age of 4.
We've been in hibernation mode for months, but the thaw is starting so now we can almost see the driveway again. We pulled out AJ's battery powered tractor during EJP's nap and he rode around and around making a track. He was so happy he was giggling and kept looking back at me with a huge smile, the kind of pure joy that brightens my life, it's what I live for, tickles my heart.
Then last night we visited the grandparents. They were watching the little mermaid. I don't think I've ever seen AJ so entralled, he was talking to the tv as the boat was on fire and sinking. "Woah, look mom. Look at that. Woah. Oh the boat. The boat is on fire! The boat is sinking! Woah! Ohhh!"
I wasn't sure if he was going to cry or not. He had such a serious, jaw dropped expression. Cutest thing ever. It was a moment I wish I had recorded. So this is my way to try to retain the memory of that moment.
Sweet. Endearing. Caring. Expressive.
I love the age of 4.
Tuesday, February 24, 2015
Everyday Awesome
I started this blog to document sweet things I know I'll forget over time, but I've come to notice just in the first couple of days, every single day has at least one moment I can't wait to write about, so I think even with this blog, there will be so many entries, everything will get lost in the process. But it's refreshing, no matter my doubts about the path of life I'm on, maybe I am where I was meant to be after all, if I find so much joy in this life.
So last night around 8pm I carried AJ up the stairs to bed after his foot trauma and instead of me reading to him, he picked out a seek and find book of Jake and the Neverland Pirates. So he sat there telling me about everything on the page he saw, as I nodded off. He kept talking to me to rouse me and I'd squint one eye open and talk to him to let him know I was listening, but I couldn't help it, laying nice and warm cuddling him, knowing he was safe and sound and happy, relaxes me in the most complete way and my body shuts down, content.
About a half hour later, mom brain hears a baby crying, so wide awake I am in an instant, leave the utterly perfect asleep AJ cuddled in bed, to go downstairs. EJP is tired and carrying his blanky around the house, he wants to cuddle and nurse, as do I.
ST and JJ are still playing video games at 8:30pm and Daddy is asleep with fever. Yesterday was the first day back to school after a week off, so they were tired and especially JJ, having a fit because he was losing the race and an even bigger meltdown when I shut everything off.
I mean bawling, yelling meltdown.
Luckily the two of them cooperated and went right up to bed. I cuddled in with JJ first because plain and simple he needed me. He needed help coming down from the emotions. He curled right up against me like a baby and instantly soothed. He fit with me perfectly like we were made for each other, even I felt the calmness of it. I caressed his face and hair for a bit as his eyes drooped. I knew he was okay and ready for sleep, gave him kisses, good night, I love you.
By that time I was exhausted and ready to drop - so no book reading tonight - and could hear EJP downstairs starting to escalate. So I tucked in ST layer by layer slowly - pull off all his bedding, layer the fleece sheet out, then his doubly big comforter right up to his neck, then his hand crocheted creeper blanket, tucked them nice and snug as a bug around his body while I talked to him. He was kind of peeved at the lack of cuddles, but as I rested my head on him like a pillow and squeezed him tight, kissed his face all over, his face lit up with smiles - which is awesome to see being that he's 7 going on 13 Mr. Attitude most of the time. I could feel the love emanating from him to me. It was beautiful and special. I love you, kiss good night.
EJP's turn to cuddle all night long.
Daddy takes the couch.
Morning breaks with -20 below and a 2 hour delay. Thank God. I get a nice long shower. Daddy stays home sick, for like the 2nd time in 5 years. It is awesome. ST is super happy, talkative - mom watch this, mom look, telling me stories about how he made up words like na na nah boo boo, booty face etc. AJ cuddles next to Daddy with his boo boo foot propped up on Daddy's leg. Then JJ and AJ buddy up and giggle and play. Nice and relaxing morning. Just wonderful. ST doesn't agree with the clothes I picked out for him, so he goes upstairs and ruffles around and picks out his own wardrobe. He picks a long sleeve gray shirt with red and black stripes with an orange long sleeve shirt over it. I tell him he'll be hot, he says good he wants to irritate himself. Sigh, he's growing up. He happily gets ready for school and tells me he wants to go to school, that he's only going to play video games every two days and needs a chart to record it. He is so happy and cooperative and helpful - I love it! I haven't seen him this way in a long time.
I have to practically drag JJ downstairs away from AJ since they are having so much fun just to make him get dressed.
AJ comes out with us and waves at the bus as they drive away.
Just the type of day that I don't want to send my kids to school. I'm enjoying them too much.
So last night around 8pm I carried AJ up the stairs to bed after his foot trauma and instead of me reading to him, he picked out a seek and find book of Jake and the Neverland Pirates. So he sat there telling me about everything on the page he saw, as I nodded off. He kept talking to me to rouse me and I'd squint one eye open and talk to him to let him know I was listening, but I couldn't help it, laying nice and warm cuddling him, knowing he was safe and sound and happy, relaxes me in the most complete way and my body shuts down, content.
About a half hour later, mom brain hears a baby crying, so wide awake I am in an instant, leave the utterly perfect asleep AJ cuddled in bed, to go downstairs. EJP is tired and carrying his blanky around the house, he wants to cuddle and nurse, as do I.
ST and JJ are still playing video games at 8:30pm and Daddy is asleep with fever. Yesterday was the first day back to school after a week off, so they were tired and especially JJ, having a fit because he was losing the race and an even bigger meltdown when I shut everything off.
I mean bawling, yelling meltdown.
Luckily the two of them cooperated and went right up to bed. I cuddled in with JJ first because plain and simple he needed me. He needed help coming down from the emotions. He curled right up against me like a baby and instantly soothed. He fit with me perfectly like we were made for each other, even I felt the calmness of it. I caressed his face and hair for a bit as his eyes drooped. I knew he was okay and ready for sleep, gave him kisses, good night, I love you.
By that time I was exhausted and ready to drop - so no book reading tonight - and could hear EJP downstairs starting to escalate. So I tucked in ST layer by layer slowly - pull off all his bedding, layer the fleece sheet out, then his doubly big comforter right up to his neck, then his hand crocheted creeper blanket, tucked them nice and snug as a bug around his body while I talked to him. He was kind of peeved at the lack of cuddles, but as I rested my head on him like a pillow and squeezed him tight, kissed his face all over, his face lit up with smiles - which is awesome to see being that he's 7 going on 13 Mr. Attitude most of the time. I could feel the love emanating from him to me. It was beautiful and special. I love you, kiss good night.
EJP's turn to cuddle all night long.
Daddy takes the couch.
Morning breaks with -20 below and a 2 hour delay. Thank God. I get a nice long shower. Daddy stays home sick, for like the 2nd time in 5 years. It is awesome. ST is super happy, talkative - mom watch this, mom look, telling me stories about how he made up words like na na nah boo boo, booty face etc. AJ cuddles next to Daddy with his boo boo foot propped up on Daddy's leg. Then JJ and AJ buddy up and giggle and play. Nice and relaxing morning. Just wonderful. ST doesn't agree with the clothes I picked out for him, so he goes upstairs and ruffles around and picks out his own wardrobe. He picks a long sleeve gray shirt with red and black stripes with an orange long sleeve shirt over it. I tell him he'll be hot, he says good he wants to irritate himself. Sigh, he's growing up. He happily gets ready for school and tells me he wants to go to school, that he's only going to play video games every two days and needs a chart to record it. He is so happy and cooperative and helpful - I love it! I haven't seen him this way in a long time.
I have to practically drag JJ downstairs away from AJ since they are having so much fun just to make him get dressed.
AJ comes out with us and waves at the bus as they drive away.
Just the type of day that I don't want to send my kids to school. I'm enjoying them too much.
Monday, February 23, 2015
Medical Emergency
Let's face it, as a parent, there is about nothing worse than seeing blood coming from your child.
Our track record really isn't terrible as far as medical emergencies go.
Mostly JJ has had his events - a head cut that gushed was an immediate 911 call, ambulance ride to the ER
Then he had a tick burrowing into the back of his head (especially when I tried to drown it with petroleum jelly and it really burrowed in) - I was so skeeved out, that was an ER visit as well. (Meanwhile, the same year, I found a tick crawling on AJ and I just picked it right off) :P
He had a tummy bug w/fever for days on end when he was nonverbal and I was concerned about dehydration, so we sat in the ER then too.
Then he had a pretty major burn on the back of his leg -(tripped over a hot but turned off recently used push mower) but that was just a first of the morning rush to the dr's office - so yeah, JJ has had plenty of action.
Tonight was AJ's turn. We were playing with bubbles with EJP's little bubble blowing wand. Fun was had. We were all standing near the dining table and AJ says blood is all over his foot. I tell him it's not blood it's probably just bubbles that spilled, but I checked because it was just an odd thing for him to say. Lo and behold, blood everywhere. Mommy panic, carry him to the bathroom, wrap it with a wash cloth, dab it clean, see the 1/2"+ cut across his foot above his big toe. What in the world, survey the whole house, wth is sharp?! get him seated on the couch foot wrapped and propped up on a pillow, waiting for Daddy to come home and assess the damage. Daddy finds the possible culprit - a nail poking out on a wrung of a dining chair - but we find that even being immobilized hasn't stopped the blood flow the minute he wiggles his big toe.
It's just in a terrible spot to be. Make a few phone calls, try many different bandages & wraps, nothing is working, I'm about ready to succumb to the fact that we may well be facing a trip to the ER and sit and wait for the next 6 hours tonight, when I finally dabbed the blood quick enough to get his foot dry enough for a butterfly adhesive to stick and pinch that sucker right tight.
Thank God.
Hoping that holds it well tonight. Fingers crossed a trip to the doctor is not in our future tomorrow.
AJ will be getting extra Mommy snuggles tonight. What a trauma, for both of us.
Our track record really isn't terrible as far as medical emergencies go.
Mostly JJ has had his events - a head cut that gushed was an immediate 911 call, ambulance ride to the ER
Then he had a tick burrowing into the back of his head (especially when I tried to drown it with petroleum jelly and it really burrowed in) - I was so skeeved out, that was an ER visit as well. (Meanwhile, the same year, I found a tick crawling on AJ and I just picked it right off) :P
He had a tummy bug w/fever for days on end when he was nonverbal and I was concerned about dehydration, so we sat in the ER then too.
Then he had a pretty major burn on the back of his leg -(tripped over a hot but turned off recently used push mower) but that was just a first of the morning rush to the dr's office - so yeah, JJ has had plenty of action.
Tonight was AJ's turn. We were playing with bubbles with EJP's little bubble blowing wand. Fun was had. We were all standing near the dining table and AJ says blood is all over his foot. I tell him it's not blood it's probably just bubbles that spilled, but I checked because it was just an odd thing for him to say. Lo and behold, blood everywhere. Mommy panic, carry him to the bathroom, wrap it with a wash cloth, dab it clean, see the 1/2"+ cut across his foot above his big toe. What in the world, survey the whole house, wth is sharp?! get him seated on the couch foot wrapped and propped up on a pillow, waiting for Daddy to come home and assess the damage. Daddy finds the possible culprit - a nail poking out on a wrung of a dining chair - but we find that even being immobilized hasn't stopped the blood flow the minute he wiggles his big toe.
It's just in a terrible spot to be. Make a few phone calls, try many different bandages & wraps, nothing is working, I'm about ready to succumb to the fact that we may well be facing a trip to the ER and sit and wait for the next 6 hours tonight, when I finally dabbed the blood quick enough to get his foot dry enough for a butterfly adhesive to stick and pinch that sucker right tight.
Thank God.
Hoping that holds it well tonight. Fingers crossed a trip to the doctor is not in our future tomorrow.
AJ will be getting extra Mommy snuggles tonight. What a trauma, for both of us.
Friday, February 20, 2015
Sex Talks
The main reason for this blog was so that one day I/we could look back on this time and refresh the memory of how it really was.
Yes, I'm having sex talks here and there already with ST and he's 7. Things pop up, wink wink, and questions get asked. So I'm going to answer them. I hope that all of these small sex talks will make our relationship easy and open and when the time comes, something personal and important needs to be discussed, it can be trusting and easy to talk it out. I hope I make it something not embarrassing, just honest and real.
So anyway, we've had a few little chats, basically about what boy and girl parts are called and what's different. That the Daddy has one part and the Mommy has the other to make the baby and that the Mommy grows the baby.
About personal stuff, that his privates are his privates, if he wants to look at his own or touch his own, that that's fine. But no one else can look or touch his and vice versa. That he will grow hair - he says I already have hair on my head - I reassure, it will be in other places, his armpits, his privates, that got a giggle. I think I am doing it in a good, age appropriate, non judgmental way as it comes up in conversation.
Last night was a doozy. Somehow at bedtime we got talking about sex stuff. Basically I told him how I have a uterus that the baby grows inside and that attached to that are tubes on each side that lead to the eggs. He was amazed that I have eggs, I reassured him, not the chicken egg with the hard shell kind, that they are tiny, he asks, 'like infinity?' I say yes, microscopic. He wonders if the tubes are black, I say I don't know maybe red. He was amazed. We go on to talk how boys and girls are different. He was confused thinking that the baby comes out the butt. I explained again that the baby is where the uterus is not where the poop is and reminded him how girls have that extra hole. He was kind of horrified asking wasn't the hole small and not big. I say not too big. He could not understand how a baby could come out of such a small hole. Aren't we all! I say, it's just how we are made. He asked if girl's skin was somehow stronger than boys skin. I say no. He says does it hurt and does your skin rip? I say yes it hurts but only for a little while and yes skin can rip but then you just get stitches and it heals all better...
def more graphic as I had hoped to go into....
So he asks if I had four stitches, I say yes I had stitches for all of them. He was amazed. I reassured.
Hope that didn't scar him for life!
Yes, I'm having sex talks here and there already with ST and he's 7. Things pop up, wink wink, and questions get asked. So I'm going to answer them. I hope that all of these small sex talks will make our relationship easy and open and when the time comes, something personal and important needs to be discussed, it can be trusting and easy to talk it out. I hope I make it something not embarrassing, just honest and real.
So anyway, we've had a few little chats, basically about what boy and girl parts are called and what's different. That the Daddy has one part and the Mommy has the other to make the baby and that the Mommy grows the baby.
About personal stuff, that his privates are his privates, if he wants to look at his own or touch his own, that that's fine. But no one else can look or touch his and vice versa. That he will grow hair - he says I already have hair on my head - I reassure, it will be in other places, his armpits, his privates, that got a giggle. I think I am doing it in a good, age appropriate, non judgmental way as it comes up in conversation.
Last night was a doozy. Somehow at bedtime we got talking about sex stuff. Basically I told him how I have a uterus that the baby grows inside and that attached to that are tubes on each side that lead to the eggs. He was amazed that I have eggs, I reassured him, not the chicken egg with the hard shell kind, that they are tiny, he asks, 'like infinity?' I say yes, microscopic. He wonders if the tubes are black, I say I don't know maybe red. He was amazed. We go on to talk how boys and girls are different. He was confused thinking that the baby comes out the butt. I explained again that the baby is where the uterus is not where the poop is and reminded him how girls have that extra hole. He was kind of horrified asking wasn't the hole small and not big. I say not too big. He could not understand how a baby could come out of such a small hole. Aren't we all! I say, it's just how we are made. He asked if girl's skin was somehow stronger than boys skin. I say no. He says does it hurt and does your skin rip? I say yes it hurts but only for a little while and yes skin can rip but then you just get stitches and it heals all better...
def more graphic as I had hoped to go into....
So he asks if I had four stitches, I say yes I had stitches for all of them. He was amazed. I reassured.
Hope that didn't scar him for life!
Intro...
Who ever said something about the days being long and the years being short - yeah that.
I should’ve started this blog several years ago but better late than never right?
I’m a boy mom, meaning I’m the only reason for pink in our laundry or the constant flow of crafty things going on at any given moment. I’m a stay at home boy mom, meaning, I don’t get to leave the house to go to another job to take a break from my permanent job of mothering boys. I am a mom, meaning that just because I mother only boys, does not make me less of a mother.
I have four sons: ST, JJ, AJ, and EJP, this year we will be hitting birthdays for the ages of 8, 6, 4, and 2. And let’s be honest, I kind of forget how old the oldest ones are half the time!
It’s busy. Yes it is, especially at dinner time, bed time, morning, etc, but it isn’t the chaos you’d expect with 4 boys running the show.
It isn’t the wrestling matches or constant sword fights that I’d imagine it would be. Unless Daddy joins in the play, then it gets physical.
Otherwise, we get the overly obsessed older two who barely walk away from the video games long enough to eat a meal unless bodily forced pretty much. At least they alternate between tablets, tv, and a couple different games and gaming systems. It’s pretty much a win if I can get Kinect bowling up and everyone is standing up to play…until AJ’s power wheels tractor blocks off the sensor or his train set gets stepped on and trains knocked off the track or the baby EJP wants to dance in front, so that the sensor won’t work for the older two. Then it’s whining chaos.
That is what I deal with most, not physical chaos, but whining chaos. The fighting, not physical fighting, well okay, not MUCH physical fighting, but the verbal battles - ‘Mom it’s my turn. Mom he won’t let me play. Mom he’s being mean. Mom he won’t get out of my house. I don’t want to share. He broke my train. Stupid baby. …The electronics go off at that point and I pack them all up and go outside for a while or I’d lose my mind with it. It does not end, ever.
Add a baby/toddler who either vegges out watching Frozen or the Polar Express for the millionth time with AJ like a complete zombie/angel OR he’s climbed up on the dining table, which, once this behavior starts, no matter how many times I take him off the table and try to deter him, nothing will stop him - except a baby gate to hold him up in another room. Or spilling the cat’s water dish or throwing the cat food to the dogs and everywhere else, or my personal favorite, playing with the cat box and pooper scooper, which is also gated off to deter him.
Then we’ve got AJ who finally potty trained like a month before turning 4 just because I was adamant, I was NOT having a 4 year old in diapers. We had many attempts that ended quite quickly because he was just blatantly disregarding the undies and peeing/pooing in them every single time. It wasn’t working that’s for sure. But lo and behold after the new year, it stuck. However, he still dances around saying mom mom and will not just go in there and do his business, I have to go in there, set up the stool, put the kiddie seat on the potty…but at least he’s out of diapers. But as I’m doing the dishes with EJP splashing it all over the kitchen floor and chair, but otherwise out of trouble, I hear the grunt grunt grunt of a 4 year old doing the potty dance. Just do it yourself!
I’m not even going to get into the potty itself. Yes, it’s a mess as you’d imagine and just the other day I caught JJ peeing without putting the seat up, I thought we were well beyond that…I understand cleaning pee off the potty/floor etc, but I lose my mind when I sit in it, there is not a worse feeling than a wet bum upon standing!
Then we’ve got a bit of autism in the family. With the stats, I guess one out of 4 isn’t too bad and thank God it’s only mild, and at this point, I think it’s more of habit than anything, especially the being adamant about living off of cookies and chocolate, because I mean, any kid would rather eat that then carrots and chicken…
It’s not all bad. In fact, it’s mostly not bad. Of course or else why would I have 4 kids to begin with. Or maybe I’m just insane. Insane with love for these little dudes.
I wanted to start this blog not to document being a boy mom but to document the boys.
ST as I said will be 8, his birthday is 5 months away, we’re already discussing party options, this may or may not stem from the fact that AJ just had his birthday a couple of weeks ago. I find it truly adorable that he doesn’t understand the concept that he has to wait for his birthday after his brothers. In the new year, we had AJ’s birthday first, JJ is next in 2 months, then his is 3 months later. He knows he was born first and that should mean that his birthday comes first. He cannot fathom that just because his birth year came first, that it doesn’t mean that his birth month comes first. Just proof that no matter how big he’s getting, and no matter how much teenage attitude he’s giving me at 7 years old, he’s still just 7 years old and little. He pretty much hates school, doesn’t really have a lot of friends, although he loves having friends and is super sensitive to what others think of him. He had the worst day ever so he told me and came home in the most surly attitude and it wasn’t until he was in tears that I heard the bottom of it. That a boy had told him in art that his house he drew was the worst house ever. That it was too little. He cried and cried that he did his best. A good teaching moment, but gah rip my heart out. I asked him if he liked his house and reminded him that if he loved it and was proud of it and he did his best, then it was perfect and that everyone will be mean and jealous in life, to be confident in himself. I think it was a long week back after a long weekend, he was tired, and it was his way of getting some much needed attention.
Him and I are like oil and water. I cannot say boo to him without attitude. He’s beyond the point of tickling because he thinks I’m being mean if I do. I cannot help him with his homework, I have zero patience for it and he doesn’t listen to my advice anyway because he learned it differently.
He still rubs his blankies under his nose, so much so that it is completely tattered and smelly and god forbid I wash them. He likes the smell of it….
He still prefers to strip to his boxer briefs the moment he gets home, but will hide behind the couch if a friend comes knocking at the door until I find him proper clothes. He loves minecraft and has built crazy intricate contraptions, reminds me of a circuit the way the red stone trail makes things do something. He’s always trying to grab my attention to watch what he’s made, I can only watch so long, at least long enough to encourage and acknowledge him. I can’t stand the game. Especially if they start killing the animals they spawned or griefing each other’s houses. But the day he was upset, I asked him what he liked most about himself and his answer was how good he was at minecraft. I didn’t think it would happen but he found another game to love too - skate 3, he does crazy tricks all over super ultra mega park and he talks all excitedly about ‘super ultra mega park’ in a super fast way ‘superultramegapark’ as if it’s one word. He also plugs in the head phones and watches god knows what on you tube. Sometimes he actually sings like he used to, as he is right now as I type this, but it’s not very often anymore.
JJ will be 6 this year. He used to introduce himself all the time to people ‘I’m JJ and I’ve five!’ or “Hi Aunt W” which makes our jaws drop still since he was non verbal when he should have been verbal. Lots of therapy, preschool and work and great people, he is definitely verbal. He has the best personality and sense of humor of anyone in this house. Right now his favorite book is ‘The book with no pictures.’ He laughed hysterically the first time we read out loud, ‘my only friend in the whole wide world is a hippo named BOOBOOBUTT’ he still laughs. I laugh, I can’t help it, he is like the sun that radiates warmth and light outward. He’s infectious. And the noises in the book go on to ‘BaDoongyFace’ oh my god he loves that, so much to the point, I think it’s actually stimulating him too much and he’ll sit up and laugh and repeat it over and over even as I’m reading in bed to ST. ST on the other hand, that book was his gift at Christmas, he read it once and didn’t like it, but the part that reads ‘ this kid is the best kid ever in the entire world.’ if he hears me read that to JJ, gets in a fit over it. I think he just wants to be told he’s the best kid in the entire world. Apparently I’m not saying it enough how awesome they all are and how loved they are, although I’m pretty sure I say that at least once a day to all of them. JJ is everyone’s friend. He is happy to play alone, or he is the one who buddies up with ST with the video games, or he’ll play trains with AJ or hide in the stuffed animal box with AJ and giggle. JJ absolutely loves EJP, the only one of the boys who even remotely likes the baby. Until the baby tries to pull his hair. He loves planes and cars and not so much anymore, but used to carry multiple of them between his fingers everywhere we went, and we lost so many of them because he’d set them down wherever we were to grab something else. He is my buddy, always has been, but he’s the one out of the bunch who wants to shop with me or go visiting family. He gets cold outside easily but that could either be a sensory processing thing or the fact that he’s super skinny mini - despite living off cookies and crackers. He doesn’t do well if I tell him he can’t have something he wants, like sharing video game time with ST, unless I tell him to watch the clock and when it turns 12, he can play it. Then he’s okay with it. One of his sayings I think is somewhat cute - because of his mispronunciation, not the tone of it - is copying - he says ’coppering’…‘ST is coppering me’ - as he tattletales. Jacob’s fav game now is hydro thunder, he races a boat, he loves it and will yell out what place he’s in during a race. He’s the cuddler who will come up to me and just lean on me when he wants some attention or I’ll find him tucked inside a blanket like a burrito. He always uses the wrong -pronoun- is it…calling the boys ‘She’ all of the time.
AJ has become the sweetest thing ever. He used to be Daddy’s side kick for everything but now he prefers Mommy for bedtime snuggling and book reading, as I said before, mommy is the #1 helper for toileting, and all other needs/wants basically, he won’t ask daddy for a thing even if he’s sitting right there. He likes to bake with me, tasting as we go. Still loves the outdoors and will spend his whole day waiting to go outside. Loves watching tv now, he’ll lay on his little fold out couch in the corner and curl up with his blanky sucking his fingers and just chill. But I catch him giggling at certain things or answering any question the cartoon is asking. He swears, a lot, I’m hoping if he goes to preschool, that they’ll be helpful at deterring him, either that or he’ll get in trouble a lot. Right now his fav word is ‘Assey’…He loves building train tracks, bridges, etc, or piling pillows and blankets etc to make a barn/house/fort…
He is the best eater, likes eating at the dinner table and actually eats food of good nutrition. He loves gold doubloons which he says in his own cute way I can’t even describe. His new thing is trying to fasten buttons himself. Or getting his coat on himself but gets his elbow somehow stuck in his sleeve hole. He loves wearing his little mittens and will be the first one dressed to go out. He is super awkward around adults or being the center of attention - at his well child checkup, he spent half the time hiding behind the bed. He has a super sad whine/cry. It’s heart breaking - if it wasn’t annoying. But it’s his only way to defend himself and get what he wants. He cannot tolerate anyone sitting on his power wheels tractor. It’s his favorite thing and it’s off limits to all. He doesn’t like to share and will tell me so. He loves finding treasures around the yard - icicles, chunks of coal, berries…
He likes the animals. He’ll say, ‘they’re my pet dogs’ and he’ll run his little hand over our evil cat’s tail - only as I pet her or else she’d scratch the hell out of him. We think he may be color blind, he can tell orange and blue which is cool, but we talk a lot about colors and things and he can’t tell me what color his favorite tractors are or a barn, which was just his farm theme birthday party. Not sure what kind of struggle that may be, but I already see a lack of confidence in asking him what colors things are, his answer is always ‘I don’t know’ or he’ll ask me what color it is and he’ll repeat me and say ‘yeah green’
All meat is ‘chicken’ - pork, turkey, ham - all chicken, except for hamburg, which is his fav in patty form - burger!
He has the funniest sense of style - pajama bottoms are a must every single day, if we leave the house, he’ll double his pants, leaving the pjs on underneath, and today he has red polar bear fleece bottoms with a pastel button down dress shirt and a Scooby doo teal baseball hat.
And what can I say about EJP - I’m either so overwhelmed by how sweet he is or how much I love him OR I’m out of my mind frustrated with him getting into everything or being needy in the most inopportune times. I’m loving the fact that once Daddy gets home, EJP thinks that daddy takes over. The little arms go up, fingers open and shut and daddy is his. Daddy is his at dinner time, no matter if he’s already eaten, he’ll obliterate Daddy’s plate of food and steals his lap at the first opportunity. He’ll fall asleep in Daddy’s lap at bedtime while I’m reading to the other boys, which is just a miracle in my eyes. He hasn’t slept in my arms since he was new. He loves the outdoors or the upstairs, basically anything that breaks up the monotony of being at home all of the time, he gets bored, he gets into everything. He’ll shoot right towards the stairs the second I open the door to go up in the toy cubby and explore. He’s almost frantic to get there. LOVES bath time, just yesterday as I was running the water in the tub, he climbed in with his clothes still on! He loves to dump water on himself with a cup or stick his fingers into the flow from the faucet or into the faucet itself, like he’s trying to figure out how it works. He shakes his head when we vacuum. Either that or run to the vacuum and make like it’s chasing him. He loves being chased. He LOVES bubbles, those are about the best thing ever, and I can’t say that watching him play and squeal doesn’t just take the whole world away and replace anything I’m feeling with utter joy. He loves putting gloves on, any size glove, the bigger the better, you never know where you will find your gloves in the house. He hates pants or socks. Those are a no go unless we are going somewhere. He’ll cry and have a fit until I take them off or he pulls his own socks off. He loves feeding the dogs his lunch. They love him, until he chases them, then they kind of hide in the corner. He’ll bug to get picked up but will not look at you once you pick him up, he just wanted the better vantage point to look around.
I must say the one thing about being a boy mom that is so great is that it takes everyday ordinary and makes it extraordinary.
I should’ve started this blog several years ago but better late than never right?
I’m a boy mom, meaning I’m the only reason for pink in our laundry or the constant flow of crafty things going on at any given moment. I’m a stay at home boy mom, meaning, I don’t get to leave the house to go to another job to take a break from my permanent job of mothering boys. I am a mom, meaning that just because I mother only boys, does not make me less of a mother.
I have four sons: ST, JJ, AJ, and EJP, this year we will be hitting birthdays for the ages of 8, 6, 4, and 2. And let’s be honest, I kind of forget how old the oldest ones are half the time!
It’s busy. Yes it is, especially at dinner time, bed time, morning, etc, but it isn’t the chaos you’d expect with 4 boys running the show.
It isn’t the wrestling matches or constant sword fights that I’d imagine it would be. Unless Daddy joins in the play, then it gets physical.
Otherwise, we get the overly obsessed older two who barely walk away from the video games long enough to eat a meal unless bodily forced pretty much. At least they alternate between tablets, tv, and a couple different games and gaming systems. It’s pretty much a win if I can get Kinect bowling up and everyone is standing up to play…until AJ’s power wheels tractor blocks off the sensor or his train set gets stepped on and trains knocked off the track or the baby EJP wants to dance in front, so that the sensor won’t work for the older two. Then it’s whining chaos.
That is what I deal with most, not physical chaos, but whining chaos. The fighting, not physical fighting, well okay, not MUCH physical fighting, but the verbal battles - ‘Mom it’s my turn. Mom he won’t let me play. Mom he’s being mean. Mom he won’t get out of my house. I don’t want to share. He broke my train. Stupid baby. …The electronics go off at that point and I pack them all up and go outside for a while or I’d lose my mind with it. It does not end, ever.
Add a baby/toddler who either vegges out watching Frozen or the Polar Express for the millionth time with AJ like a complete zombie/angel OR he’s climbed up on the dining table, which, once this behavior starts, no matter how many times I take him off the table and try to deter him, nothing will stop him - except a baby gate to hold him up in another room. Or spilling the cat’s water dish or throwing the cat food to the dogs and everywhere else, or my personal favorite, playing with the cat box and pooper scooper, which is also gated off to deter him.
Then we’ve got AJ who finally potty trained like a month before turning 4 just because I was adamant, I was NOT having a 4 year old in diapers. We had many attempts that ended quite quickly because he was just blatantly disregarding the undies and peeing/pooing in them every single time. It wasn’t working that’s for sure. But lo and behold after the new year, it stuck. However, he still dances around saying mom mom and will not just go in there and do his business, I have to go in there, set up the stool, put the kiddie seat on the potty…but at least he’s out of diapers. But as I’m doing the dishes with EJP splashing it all over the kitchen floor and chair, but otherwise out of trouble, I hear the grunt grunt grunt of a 4 year old doing the potty dance. Just do it yourself!
I’m not even going to get into the potty itself. Yes, it’s a mess as you’d imagine and just the other day I caught JJ peeing without putting the seat up, I thought we were well beyond that…I understand cleaning pee off the potty/floor etc, but I lose my mind when I sit in it, there is not a worse feeling than a wet bum upon standing!
Then we’ve got a bit of autism in the family. With the stats, I guess one out of 4 isn’t too bad and thank God it’s only mild, and at this point, I think it’s more of habit than anything, especially the being adamant about living off of cookies and chocolate, because I mean, any kid would rather eat that then carrots and chicken…
It’s not all bad. In fact, it’s mostly not bad. Of course or else why would I have 4 kids to begin with. Or maybe I’m just insane. Insane with love for these little dudes.
I wanted to start this blog not to document being a boy mom but to document the boys.
ST as I said will be 8, his birthday is 5 months away, we’re already discussing party options, this may or may not stem from the fact that AJ just had his birthday a couple of weeks ago. I find it truly adorable that he doesn’t understand the concept that he has to wait for his birthday after his brothers. In the new year, we had AJ’s birthday first, JJ is next in 2 months, then his is 3 months later. He knows he was born first and that should mean that his birthday comes first. He cannot fathom that just because his birth year came first, that it doesn’t mean that his birth month comes first. Just proof that no matter how big he’s getting, and no matter how much teenage attitude he’s giving me at 7 years old, he’s still just 7 years old and little. He pretty much hates school, doesn’t really have a lot of friends, although he loves having friends and is super sensitive to what others think of him. He had the worst day ever so he told me and came home in the most surly attitude and it wasn’t until he was in tears that I heard the bottom of it. That a boy had told him in art that his house he drew was the worst house ever. That it was too little. He cried and cried that he did his best. A good teaching moment, but gah rip my heart out. I asked him if he liked his house and reminded him that if he loved it and was proud of it and he did his best, then it was perfect and that everyone will be mean and jealous in life, to be confident in himself. I think it was a long week back after a long weekend, he was tired, and it was his way of getting some much needed attention.
Him and I are like oil and water. I cannot say boo to him without attitude. He’s beyond the point of tickling because he thinks I’m being mean if I do. I cannot help him with his homework, I have zero patience for it and he doesn’t listen to my advice anyway because he learned it differently.
He still rubs his blankies under his nose, so much so that it is completely tattered and smelly and god forbid I wash them. He likes the smell of it….
He still prefers to strip to his boxer briefs the moment he gets home, but will hide behind the couch if a friend comes knocking at the door until I find him proper clothes. He loves minecraft and has built crazy intricate contraptions, reminds me of a circuit the way the red stone trail makes things do something. He’s always trying to grab my attention to watch what he’s made, I can only watch so long, at least long enough to encourage and acknowledge him. I can’t stand the game. Especially if they start killing the animals they spawned or griefing each other’s houses. But the day he was upset, I asked him what he liked most about himself and his answer was how good he was at minecraft. I didn’t think it would happen but he found another game to love too - skate 3, he does crazy tricks all over super ultra mega park and he talks all excitedly about ‘super ultra mega park’ in a super fast way ‘superultramegapark’ as if it’s one word. He also plugs in the head phones and watches god knows what on you tube. Sometimes he actually sings like he used to, as he is right now as I type this, but it’s not very often anymore.
JJ will be 6 this year. He used to introduce himself all the time to people ‘I’m JJ and I’ve five!’ or “Hi Aunt W” which makes our jaws drop still since he was non verbal when he should have been verbal. Lots of therapy, preschool and work and great people, he is definitely verbal. He has the best personality and sense of humor of anyone in this house. Right now his favorite book is ‘The book with no pictures.’ He laughed hysterically the first time we read out loud, ‘my only friend in the whole wide world is a hippo named BOOBOOBUTT’ he still laughs. I laugh, I can’t help it, he is like the sun that radiates warmth and light outward. He’s infectious. And the noises in the book go on to ‘BaDoongyFace’ oh my god he loves that, so much to the point, I think it’s actually stimulating him too much and he’ll sit up and laugh and repeat it over and over even as I’m reading in bed to ST. ST on the other hand, that book was his gift at Christmas, he read it once and didn’t like it, but the part that reads ‘ this kid is the best kid ever in the entire world.’ if he hears me read that to JJ, gets in a fit over it. I think he just wants to be told he’s the best kid in the entire world. Apparently I’m not saying it enough how awesome they all are and how loved they are, although I’m pretty sure I say that at least once a day to all of them. JJ is everyone’s friend. He is happy to play alone, or he is the one who buddies up with ST with the video games, or he’ll play trains with AJ or hide in the stuffed animal box with AJ and giggle. JJ absolutely loves EJP, the only one of the boys who even remotely likes the baby. Until the baby tries to pull his hair. He loves planes and cars and not so much anymore, but used to carry multiple of them between his fingers everywhere we went, and we lost so many of them because he’d set them down wherever we were to grab something else. He is my buddy, always has been, but he’s the one out of the bunch who wants to shop with me or go visiting family. He gets cold outside easily but that could either be a sensory processing thing or the fact that he’s super skinny mini - despite living off cookies and crackers. He doesn’t do well if I tell him he can’t have something he wants, like sharing video game time with ST, unless I tell him to watch the clock and when it turns 12, he can play it. Then he’s okay with it. One of his sayings I think is somewhat cute - because of his mispronunciation, not the tone of it - is copying - he says ’coppering’…‘ST is coppering me’ - as he tattletales. Jacob’s fav game now is hydro thunder, he races a boat, he loves it and will yell out what place he’s in during a race. He’s the cuddler who will come up to me and just lean on me when he wants some attention or I’ll find him tucked inside a blanket like a burrito. He always uses the wrong -pronoun- is it…calling the boys ‘She’ all of the time.
AJ has become the sweetest thing ever. He used to be Daddy’s side kick for everything but now he prefers Mommy for bedtime snuggling and book reading, as I said before, mommy is the #1 helper for toileting, and all other needs/wants basically, he won’t ask daddy for a thing even if he’s sitting right there. He likes to bake with me, tasting as we go. Still loves the outdoors and will spend his whole day waiting to go outside. Loves watching tv now, he’ll lay on his little fold out couch in the corner and curl up with his blanky sucking his fingers and just chill. But I catch him giggling at certain things or answering any question the cartoon is asking. He swears, a lot, I’m hoping if he goes to preschool, that they’ll be helpful at deterring him, either that or he’ll get in trouble a lot. Right now his fav word is ‘Assey’…He loves building train tracks, bridges, etc, or piling pillows and blankets etc to make a barn/house/fort…
He is the best eater, likes eating at the dinner table and actually eats food of good nutrition. He loves gold doubloons which he says in his own cute way I can’t even describe. His new thing is trying to fasten buttons himself. Or getting his coat on himself but gets his elbow somehow stuck in his sleeve hole. He loves wearing his little mittens and will be the first one dressed to go out. He is super awkward around adults or being the center of attention - at his well child checkup, he spent half the time hiding behind the bed. He has a super sad whine/cry. It’s heart breaking - if it wasn’t annoying. But it’s his only way to defend himself and get what he wants. He cannot tolerate anyone sitting on his power wheels tractor. It’s his favorite thing and it’s off limits to all. He doesn’t like to share and will tell me so. He loves finding treasures around the yard - icicles, chunks of coal, berries…
He likes the animals. He’ll say, ‘they’re my pet dogs’ and he’ll run his little hand over our evil cat’s tail - only as I pet her or else she’d scratch the hell out of him. We think he may be color blind, he can tell orange and blue which is cool, but we talk a lot about colors and things and he can’t tell me what color his favorite tractors are or a barn, which was just his farm theme birthday party. Not sure what kind of struggle that may be, but I already see a lack of confidence in asking him what colors things are, his answer is always ‘I don’t know’ or he’ll ask me what color it is and he’ll repeat me and say ‘yeah green’
All meat is ‘chicken’ - pork, turkey, ham - all chicken, except for hamburg, which is his fav in patty form - burger!
He has the funniest sense of style - pajama bottoms are a must every single day, if we leave the house, he’ll double his pants, leaving the pjs on underneath, and today he has red polar bear fleece bottoms with a pastel button down dress shirt and a Scooby doo teal baseball hat.
And what can I say about EJP - I’m either so overwhelmed by how sweet he is or how much I love him OR I’m out of my mind frustrated with him getting into everything or being needy in the most inopportune times. I’m loving the fact that once Daddy gets home, EJP thinks that daddy takes over. The little arms go up, fingers open and shut and daddy is his. Daddy is his at dinner time, no matter if he’s already eaten, he’ll obliterate Daddy’s plate of food and steals his lap at the first opportunity. He’ll fall asleep in Daddy’s lap at bedtime while I’m reading to the other boys, which is just a miracle in my eyes. He hasn’t slept in my arms since he was new. He loves the outdoors or the upstairs, basically anything that breaks up the monotony of being at home all of the time, he gets bored, he gets into everything. He’ll shoot right towards the stairs the second I open the door to go up in the toy cubby and explore. He’s almost frantic to get there. LOVES bath time, just yesterday as I was running the water in the tub, he climbed in with his clothes still on! He loves to dump water on himself with a cup or stick his fingers into the flow from the faucet or into the faucet itself, like he’s trying to figure out how it works. He shakes his head when we vacuum. Either that or run to the vacuum and make like it’s chasing him. He loves being chased. He LOVES bubbles, those are about the best thing ever, and I can’t say that watching him play and squeal doesn’t just take the whole world away and replace anything I’m feeling with utter joy. He loves putting gloves on, any size glove, the bigger the better, you never know where you will find your gloves in the house. He hates pants or socks. Those are a no go unless we are going somewhere. He’ll cry and have a fit until I take them off or he pulls his own socks off. He loves feeding the dogs his lunch. They love him, until he chases them, then they kind of hide in the corner. He’ll bug to get picked up but will not look at you once you pick him up, he just wanted the better vantage point to look around.
I must say the one thing about being a boy mom that is so great is that it takes everyday ordinary and makes it extraordinary.
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